dont snoop on me..

2008-01-19T07:11:00.000-08:00

OKAY PUEN GUESSED IT

see it's not too diffficult right.

xanga.com/thwartedaffections

2008-01-19T05:53:00.000-08:00

i like my hair best during the RJ match. i need hair-growing shampoo. anyone?

anyway i have heard many interesting versions of me collapsing on the ground last friday halfway during trng. let me tell u the full story. it was because i aimed wrongly for my punt and it deflected off the crowbar back into the area just at my ribs where you can't breathe. it's some p-word in my body according to mr tan. so ya i'm fine now no worries. the hockey guys din do anything to me, they just came and checked on me anyways.

2008-01-16T06:33:00.000-08:00

i'm moved back to my beloved XANGA.
it's xanga.com/xxxxxxx

the xxxxxxx is for me to know and for you to guess.

to test your english.it basically comprises of two words.
one starting with T and the other A.

the T word has synonyms that include "dashed(hopes)", "foiled(plan)"
and for the word A, it has synonyms "LOVE", "CARE", "CONCERN". plural form
as you can see my vocabulary is rather limited, you shall just decipher whatever clues i have provided.

so it's
xanga.com/t_ _ _ _ _ _ _ a_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ s

HOHOHOHOHO i feel so evil.

2008-01-12T08:32:00.000-08:00

i see a glimpse of hope in this picture. what do you see?

2008-01-12T00:34:00.000-08:00

we thrashed HCJC 14-0 today. good thing is our attacking meet is amazing, bad thing is our defence meet seems rather prone to easy penetration. yet they somehow just manage their way through without me even needing to touch the ball at all. we were practically camping in the other half leaving joan alone in our half. i'm prettaye happy for the yr ones, like sherlyn managed to win most of the balls today, pq heading an amazing corner in, perb switching the play for us, and whoa, even nat and joan scored.

dear joansie poansie, please take care of yourself and your fatigued body. i love my teammates(: i nver thought i wld find my closest friends in the team.

it's the secret between the three of us.

2008-01-11T05:43:00.000-08:00

it's all gone now. towards you i've decided not to harbour any more hope. i'm feeling more hopeful, optimistic towards jc life, towards my class. at least i have closer friends like yongyi, derrick, teresa, sheryl(: lessons are interesting for me cos i'm doing the subj i like. just that i don't like the dumbing down effect i get sometimes. like if you wna talk, you say smth intelligent or constructive, or else seriously don't talk at all. at least my GP tutor can teach like whoa even thou he's a relief teacher he can teach really well.
enough said. i just wanted to say i'm fine now, sorted out my thoughts and got my priorities right.
don't break my heart slowly.

2008-01-10T05:47:00.000-08:00

i'm feeling abit disillusioned, like i'm still living in self-denial. i felt like some wandering floating soul in sch moving from LT to LT class to class, with no fixed venue at all, omygosh, you dno how this feeling sucks for me. my class is nice u know, just that when you don't share the same interests, you have nth common to talk about so i just keep to myself most of the times or talk to yongyi or ivan. sometimes i think between friends you need chemistry which i haven't found exactly amongst the girls. perhaps my previous class was too nice too good that i cannot adapt to the current one. i thought things were going prettaye well, eating tgt as a class in the canteen, then playing tgt outside the PT until i couldn take it i realised and ran back to the 06v11 classroom alone, to see all our photos tgt. the girls in my current class do have their own cliques, and it's accord to sch apparently. i don't really mind as long as i have someone to talk to, sit with during lectures. it's okay sitting with the guys but there are still certain lines you must draw between both genders.

trng keeps me alive, and with my fellow yr ones ard, it helps me foster a stronger sense of belonging. we played against queensway yesterday and whoa i felt really small. i was super impressed with the girls, small but strong. the way they tussle for the ball, got past our defence line, played their hearts out really made me salute them. you will be amazed to actly realise their ball control might even be better than some of our players, the power of their goal kicks comparable to us even though they are really small. the best part is that they are really humble, really disciplined and how they cherish every learning experience. as for the goakeeper, she's the best i have seen so far. i have never seen any keeper braver than her, still being able to laugh even though her head got rammed so many times until her nose bled, even though we tripped over her so many times. she deflected the ball until she had to be subed out due to an excruciating pain in her leg. imba lah seriously.
i got friends today who thought little of them just because they were sec. well just don't underestimate them. look who's really small now.

thinking abt it, i don't wna let mr boy and ms low down. the teachers who have really took great pains grooming me into who i am now. not as if i'm anybody now, but still i feel that i needa do the IP proud by concentrating on what im supposed to do. basically even if i cannot integrate into the class community, then it's just too bad for me lah. i have to move on, survive lectures, do my tutorials. even if there's no one there to help me, i have to help myself and stop living in the past. they are the ones spiritually still there for me, hoping that i will still be the same old grace last time who strives to do her best in everything she does. even though she's no longer that friendly person who can get along with her classmates very well, she will stlil try to do IP proud.
dear friends, i hope you're doing well in your respective classes. my heart is always there for yall. 06v11, we are one kay.

2008-01-07T06:24:00.000-08:00

ivanhoe reigned supreme. nth to be happy abt actly cos I wasn't very close to my OG. i don't unds why i'm feeling unethu abt orientation and disinterested in making new friends, like seriously. i hope things will change for the better cos i'm currently a pathetic depressed soul, trying not to be affected by the dumbing down effect.
i used to step into VJ every day full of rigour, purpose, meaning, looking forward to each day meeting the friends i love, the teachers who stand by me. but now you know when i step into VJ, the first quest that comes to my mind is: where am i supposed to go now. HAI.
it doesn't help when you have a civics tutor who's gna talk to himself during lessons, signalling a strong sense of inconfidence by saying: actly i'm not sure what i shld teach cos i dno what's gna come out for the As.
i'm thankful for my fellow yr ones in soccer. at least i can talk to the pple i'm closer to, share a common way of thinking does help and trng with joan makes my life brighter. trng momentarily takes the darkness outta my life. at least i can play with my happening friends and stop plunging myself into self-denial. i just needa make new friends, and stop standing in the middle of nowhere amongst the guys during assembly like some lost soul with bethany.

why do we have to steal glances from afar. i don't like it x 100 000 infinity times okay. i'm just screwing up all my human interpersonal relationships these days lah. never felt that i was that bad at making new friends, that bad at adapting a new culture, environment.
i really don't like this feeling lahhhhhhhh!!!! hope things will get better in the days to come and stop relying so much on my old friends. xie le. i nver realised how far we had gone as friends, the level of mutual understanding, telepathy. o wells, move on grace move on, stop living in the shadows of the past and plunging yourself into self-denial. friends, we can do this together man.

2008-01-06T07:03:00.000-08:00

i'm feeling prettaye accomplished today. met up with farah and sab respectively. i had a really nice talk with the latter who's much happier. i was truly happy for her cos i haven't seen her so happy in years alr. it made my heart feel lighter cos in a sense i guess i realised i have always been worried for her these years and im glad RJ looks good eh.
an upcoming happening week for me i guess. sch's starting. and there's two upcoming matches, one against queensway and another HCJC. no more disappointments i swear cos there's no more excuses.
the part i hate abt diving is that it looks damn easy but it's not that easy. i always visualise, and actly to me, being able to dive is the highest point in goalkeeping. if you can dive, there's no balls you can't save. i have all the while been only, FALLING. i seriously don't mind the physical pain, but i hate the fact that i can't overcome the mental barrier.

*

i'm prettaye set i realised on studying overseas aft my As. just that i needa get sponsorship from a scholarship. and if i fail to do so in the end, i will take up a bank loan, sign a bond, and repay back aft i graduate and get a job.
as im gng on seventeen, i start to realise what i truly want, what i truly wna do, who do i truly wna be with, and what i'm truly passionate abt. i'm losing more and more faith in relationships really. and im starting to have this belief that there's no such thing as a happy family. my mindset is changing, i used to tell aiksiong that because i don't have a perfect family so i wna construct a perfect family when i grow up and be the best mother i can. i'm recently feeling a little disillusioned becos i have been deeply struck by how people put so much faith in god, in something. when i visited jiemin's church, they all had something i din have. but i just couldn pinpoint what's that thing. have I become too cynical?
mr melvin tan was talking to me the other day cos he wanted to train me and then he started talking about he will push me and stuff, before he said again, believe in yourself, and believe in god. i was really taken aback when he said that. perhaps people seek solace in believing and putting so much faith in god, and perhaps i haven't encountered anything powerful enough to make me put so much faith in. like how i dismiss the picture of a happy family.
this used to seem prettaye normal to me is starting to feel alittle abnormal. haha, but i guess it's okay cos it's only a process of self-discovery, and aft all i alr have the best team i can ever have, the best friends i cld ever have, and once had the best class i cld ever have, and prolly the best mum i cld ever have. speaking of nobility, i like the email mr cheong sent the team.

2008-01-05T08:06:00.000-08:00

mass dance at suntec left me high for a moment. but i felt i wasn't truly high, prolly cos it was raining so my spirits was dampened and im still having the new yr jitters. i din wna go initially but i thought i shld go since i had such a nice OG. and i like my OGLs esp. i'm really thankful to them for being so nice to me even though i haven't been with them like for the first two days of orientation, for disappearing during lunch yesterday, and again disappearing even b4 the start of massdance.
i had a really whale of time with wanxin,joansiepoansie, bethany and xinyi. first i shared a meal with bethany, before we wenta subway to eat cookies. while hmm, spying on lorena who was eating opp. us at carl's jnr with hmm, her classmate(accord. to her)... towards the end, we turned crazy, me joansie poansie and bethany started running away from wanxin, playing hide and seek, frm suntec to citylink.
we composed songs to the tune of ABC, composing rhymes like
ME:
grace is running in a race,
she hopes to run it at a steady pace
BETHANY:
but she ends up in last place

ME:
Wanxin likes to sing
Bethany:
But she ends up making a din

Wanxin:
Bethany wants to buy a lorry
But she has no money
so she ends up pushing a trolly

i hope it provided some form of entertainment cos i thought it was prettaye cool.

later we alighted at Paya lebar mrt, started talking serious stuff till 11pm. i just din wna leave things hanging there. although im still feeling a little uneasy, but i knew if i din clarify matters, this uneasiness is gna plague me even more. what's done can't be undone, but i did realise that showing due respect for every single person regardless of who he or she is is that impt. it's something most pple have underestimated and well, it's also the result of taking things for granted. i'm not sure watta do besides leaving thing as status quo but i know definitely that this is aftermath of not handling the matter well when it was within our control. i will just do my best, cos i realised what the seniors say have major impact on we jnrs.

well it's the same thing like how you don't realise how you have such a great influence of other people's lives and how they are unconsciously influencing your lives as well. it's just a healthy two way thing.

2008-01-04T23:13:00.000-08:00

my heart is feeling prettaye heavy now prolly from the sense of loss aft yesterday's CT session. my new class hmm, seems fine i guess. i dont wna judge too early nor comment too much but it's quite a weird environment to be in i guess. my civics tutor is mr eric foo. he's nice i know. but i heard from my seniors that he isn't a very good bio teacher which kinda spells doom for me. i once had a chem teacher in IP1 who was very nice but he couldn teach very well.
basically the sense of loss sprouts from the absence of a classroom which forms my strong sense of locale. also the loss of the once so familiar teachers whom you cld talk like friends. and lastly the loss of your familiar group of friends whom you have stuck to so closely for two years of your life. basically i don't like this feeling of hmm LONELINESS! i'm alone in my class now and i feel like an alien. how can grace su survives like this, omgosh. when i was IP1 i had puen from day one of orientation and aft that jiemin also. NOW. NOONE. but then again, aft listening to what wanxin and puen told me i guess i shld be thankful.
i heard wanxin's class has 10 scholars from funny sch and hmm.. all they wna do is study. my class guys seem fine cos they can talk and talk and talk. but the girls are all prettye reserved, refined ladies.

MY OG IS FUN THOUGH(: i have very very nice OGLs and a prettaye cool girl with the same name as me, grace ling. my OG has funky guys kewei, eugene who entertains me with their funny antics and make boring orientation slightly more bearable. but when i am shagged and have no more energy to play, i stone with my fellow yr ones. play stupid games like fighting for a waterbottle and get high again.
i cant wait for sch to start. basically i'm not in the mood to do anything unconstructive like orientation, because i can feel my heart throbbing with greater anticipation as i feel the season nearing day by day. you just get that hey, can we stop wasting our time and start doing something constructive.

2008-01-03T04:10:00.000-08:00

( p.s. i blogged this yesterday but din publish it )

ALRIGHTY happy new year darlings. i welcomed this new yr with unrecovered sore eyes. i missed my first day of orientation cos i went to the doc. like my fifth time alr and aft depleting six bottles of eye drops. but i finally changed doctor(: and he's really cute you know.
me: can it be spread thru eye contact
doc.: no cannot, unless like my eye kiss your eye than maybe can lah

aft instructing me on how often to put eye drops,
doc: so girl, tell me how often u must put your eye drops
me: every hour
doc: and what must you do b4 you apply your eye drops
me: wash my hands
doc: and what you must do aft that
me: (dno watta say)
doc: WASH YOUR HANDS AGAIN!

doc: so right you must wash your hands twice every hour, apply eye drops once every hour, frm now, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12 until tmr so i will give you two days of MC okay. i want u to come back again tomorrow cos it's your eyes, later can go blind one. but tomorrow you will be fine, must trust me.
and skeptically, i asked him, are you sure in one day my eyes will be okay. and he said yes, trust me

i went home, applied the eye drops, and by 5pm aft soaking my eyes in eye drops, omg i was really astounded. not red anymore. like really.
omg lah seriously, my previous doc gave me such strong medicine that was so expensive and left a stinging prickling sensation yet it couldn heal my eyes even aft applying it for two weeks.

then i was talking to my mum, she said out of her three children i worry her the most. even though im the eldest. because every yr the fortune teller tells her something will happen to me but not her other two kids. last yr i will get cheated. this yr will meet alotta accidents and disasters. and also i every day come home so late, my life so active and i every few weeks will always fall down, and everyday slp so late. kinda true when i think of it. my poor mum, she everyday scolding me abt my eye cos she was damn worried i will go blind. to think i actually went out in the sun on mon to cycle.
i don't feel seventeen honestly speaking. and it makes me feel old. i will miss my IP days, my class, my teachers but i HAVE TO MOVE ON. i reached home and felt like i was living in self-denial, felt like calling up the same old friends, talking to them before i realised we are in different classes=/ i'm kinda scared and unsure of what lies ahead of me suddenly but, hmm IT'S OKAY. i will survive it. aft all i have a class with nice IPs to start.

to me, the new yr is just another day. i don't believe in making resolutions because if you are set to do something, you can do it anytime. however, i do feel that the new yr does give me an excuse to start anew, to widen and improve my stagnating social circle, to become more self-aware and of course become a more confident person. like what mr boy says, i needa develop my leadership potential so this yr i will prolly wna step up and do something im good at and i hope this can help me grow as a person.

08s31=D

2007-12-31T06:42:00.001-08:00

zzzOMG im so happy(: im in S31 with debby ling, jaytee,(both my classmates) jon tan ) he's our chi rep) and lemuel (i went to sydney this yr with him and i was his grp leader=D)
They make up all the IPS BCMGs and im the only IP BCME in this class. i like my class but i hope i wont be the only BCME in my class and end up going for econs lectures alone=/ i think mr boy placed me in this class because he was afraid i would want to change to geography.

so yesterday i ushered in the new year with my fellow classsmates(althea,alicea,may,elroy,esmond,wenzheng,huangsui,shuqi,kelvn,jaytee,cephras,puen,debby,jingjing,jerald,yiling
then because yiling had the whole list of OGs with her so i was looking at all the OGs with puen, kel and cephras before i found out
1) yining is in the same sub-group as me
2) my pri 4 crush is in VJ too=P
3) cephras is really despo cos he was taking down girl's tel no. from the contact list

it was great seeing some people i haven't seen in a long long long long time(: my last chance to bond with this wonderful bunch of pple. and did i say before my pri sch days and IP days were the bestest days in my life
and what happened in sec.1 and 2, i dont even wna think about it=P

i had a heart-to-heart talk with puen which made me realised that true love isn't easy to find my dears, so if you ever come across one, dont ever let it go. for me next yr, im determined to make sure it's only soccer and studies. basically because i ever felt true love before but i chose to let go of it and let it slip past me. so there's no pt regretting and i just wna look ahead and treasure what's gna happen to me in future=D so for you girl, in the end it's up to you, but i just dont want you to regret your choice.

im brokeee and i needa clean up my room. i need my eyes to recover cos it turned red again this morning.
all the best everyone in the coming new yr. train hard work hard, and i hope it will yield results(:

2007-12-30T05:40:00.000-08:00

HELLO here are the picturesss(:

EVEEEN JIEMINN could pose better than me. =P

CAUGHT YA KUANREN. for a while i thought it was peiqi's hand, before i realised peiqi alr had a finger on her own cheek. HAHAHA. i think jaslyn and nat really looks funny in this photo too.

a shot where me and amelia tried a shot at acting cute. she succeeded, but not me.

lastly im here to advertise for george lim who told me if he din get into top 5 for online voting, his hopes of winning would be dashed.

http://www.playnetearth.com/interjcpageant2008/voting.php

i think SA guy looks good, MJ girl looks good too. vote if you can(:

2007-12-29T08:55:00.000-08:00

team night is over. it turned out prettaye successful for me you him she we. YES BASICALLY IT'S EVERYBODY. the coaches were dressed to the nines, all looking suave and charming BUT due to time constraints i din manage to snap a picture. esp. with Mr Lim. i totally dont have a picture of him at all.
thanks potz for the videoosss kr and nat and coach for BFF azlin for cooking sec. 4s for helping and the others for doing this and that for us. all the hard work put in just for that few hours finally paid off eh.
i'm prettaye glad sch is starting, take my distractions off something, makes me feel more sane and normal. i'm prettaye excited abt the new year, excited at the thought of being in a team where there's like one whole group of us tgt called JAYYYYY ONEEESSSS and hey we make up the junior batch. cool eh? i hope they dont see me as a senior just becos i was here 1 yr earlier than them and i wld choose to connect to them on the same level (:
my OG is ivanhoe. sounds good actly and my og group name is igor. and cos my tel no. doesnt ends with a ZERO i can report to sch later at 8am(: O YAYS.
im a teeny weeny sad i din getta make it to the cinema this year with a movie treat from him due to our really packed schedule, also a teeny weeeny disappointed that I couldn find time to spend with my friendship group. 2007 is ending=(
i broke record. din make it to the cinema this yr AT ALL. even jieminnnnnn..........................................
HAIIIII. but it's okay lah. i've got two new great friends. and we're tall. Bethany's even 1 cm taller than me.

2007-12-28T06:03:00.000-08:00

dont worry im still her standing in one piece. im prettaye touched by the concern. to think alvin actly came to me and said, hey pple make mistakes.
but too many mistakes isn't smth anyone can bear isn't it
well putting stuff aside. i'm busy for team night. i got really funny photos of me and bethany. that super nice girl who's equally as fun as me. and i found out just now sherlyn's condo is just a street down from mine. HOHO. really thankful my fellow sec. 4s who's been helping out till so late today(: and wanxin who's making almond jelly for me.
i'm crazy over ferrero rocher now. just dno why. my mouth is rejecting food and all i have on my mind is ferrero rocher. coincidentally, sze ling sent me this email that contains really disgusting ferrero rocher pictures that's infested with maggots.

2007-12-27T04:06:00.000-08:00

so in the end i was nth but a big hopeless cowardy fcking loser... i felt like a loser, played like a loser and I/we couldn have lost anything worse than this in the many seasons we have had... makes me wonder how im gna face the other coaches esp. when mr lim asks me about it, when the seniors know about it, when my friends hear of it.
it's not abt being a loser, but the way i lost. no doubt they were strong opponenets, but i felt like out of the 15 balls, 10 balls were saveable, and out of the 15 there were 7 i got my hands on and it bounced off my palms. it couldn have been worse, and i nver felt so eeks horrid before really. Definitely i admit i was intimidated, scared, which prolly made me the biggest coward today. But i realised the most basic thing i couldn even do was to punch it out. well the shots were hard and long, harder than usual but i believed still something i shld be capable of handling. Everytime that negro just swung her foot really hard, i felt like a complete loser seriously, I could feel my heart pumping my blood pressure rising and in the end i chickened out. and i really was scared. at the end of the first half, I felt so horrid that i even felt like calling it quits cos i saw no point implicating the team with my horrible performance.
during half-time, coach din say anything to me, which in a sense left me relieved cos i was still trying to surpress my emotions. seeing him calm starting calming my nerves as well. mr melvin tan was dealing it in a very rational and calm manner. he called me aside and told me simply to start the second half like it's 0-0, and improve and at least i could tell myself i had a good game.
second half, i bounced back a little. I realised i had to have stronger hands and fingers since the shots were hard, be more aggressive and started visualising myself diving at the person's feet and stuff and for some moments it did work. what struck me most deeply was that i realised the thing that made me feel a complete loser was everytime i got the grip of the ball the ball would just bounce off my hand into the goal. that feeling sucked cos it felt you were going to take something that was going to belong to you and at the very next second it just disappears and leaves you with a pathetic and miserable aftertaste, and the best part of it was that, once it's in there's no turning back.
my inconfidence really show in the way i handle the ball. sometimes the ball i catch can sitll be rolling in my arms until i tuck it into my chest. i rammed three of my fingers into the ball today and really made me wondered how the hell i did that and how the ball still flew into the goal. i had the quietest match today, as in i couldn hear myselt talking at all. i totally lost the courage to shout, so i din communicate with my teammates at all during corners. it just shows in everything really everything you do when you are nth but a big a coward. i hated that feeling so badly that towards the end of the match then did I show some basic fighting spirit towards those negros and the girl i knocked down. i stopped hesitating so much during 1 on 1 situtaions. and honestly speaking, i havent had any chances with these 1 on 1 situations till today. that was a truly learning exp for me esp. when you were facing such skilful and big players and you had to be brave and just throw your body over the ball. long and hard shots are my biggest weakness i realise. what i lack is strong hands, firm grip. needa learn to jump higher.
and my punts. never felt that it was that bad till today. something I was most confident of out of the many many things turned out to be really sucky today. everytime i punted, that negro would always get it and it never could never make it past the halfway line. made me feel like a complete loser again. in my previous matches, my punts never ever so easily gets headed and controlled by opponent players.
the girls put up a great fight really. i was happy for them aft the match yet at the same time i knew for the thousand and one time they din deserve this. i was telling jiemin how thankful i was that she was in frnt of me if not i would have died even more. i was thankful for every isngle person in front of me who fought hard and faced the bigger opponenets bravely.
i really dno what to say to coach and see no longer why he should put so much faith in me. what really is most painful was that the team had to suffer the costs of my mistakes, and even him.
i need some time to think about it, get my eyes and fingers to recover and hmm reflect alot.
at the end of the day, i guess the only consoling thing is that what i learnt from this match, is more than any other more matches i have been through.both mentally and physically

2007-12-26T05:04:00.001-08:00

i had xmas lunch at united square today and gee i practically stuffed myself with food cos it was buffet. i relish variety but not quantity as you know me. plus it was really pricey so i wanted to make my mum's money worth you see(: i enjoyed it a lot though cos the food was really yummy=D that i was prettaye worried i wont fit into my uniform next week when sch starts...
i really like christmas you know, but i dont get it the way i want it here in singapore and i havent found the right pple/person to spend it with. actly i have been more hopeful in previous years but it just diminishes by year and im not actly hoping for anything this yr. perhaps when i grow up i will go to a snowy place to have a white x'mas(:

tomorrow's our big day. match against BAFC. i have faith in my teammates and myself . was reflecting on what i have done and sometimes i dont unds why coach put so much faith in me. sometimes too much that i fear i will let him down. i havent had any breakthrough so far, but i feel myself feeling better with time. i felt good today even though i did miss stupid goals, punt horribly. perhaps last time i just couldn't find the knack of things, truly put my heart into it and enjoy what im doing. the point im trying to put across is sometimes happiness can be derived simply by loving your teammates, putting your heart and enjoying what you're doing. success is always bittersweet and i wna feel it someday. i wna get my guts out and be braver, calmer and be my best tmr.

next week the start of sch. i wna focus on the right stuff and not sidetrack. the temptation of going into a r'ship is gna get extremely alluring and it's smth i wont deny esp. when im turning 17 in just a couple of mths time. currently i even have my eyes on this guy but the thing is i know i'm not ready so i won't rush into one. im just afraid he's more in love with the idea of being in love than being in love with me. sounds like it eh. so i wna do the right stuff, and first make sure i get into the right class (BCME). another long story of my indecisiveness from a BCME to a PCMG to a BCMG to a BCME which i shan't elaborate.
i'm really in a moment of bliss to have met a bunch of sec. 4s whom i currently in love with. wanxin my buddy who knows my emotions inside out and always saying the right stuff at the right time that really touches my heart and keeps me going. joan my new found partner who's always sweet and nice and we are in that midst of developing aww some camaderie. chatting with bethany keeps me happy cos she's a real relaxed person like all the time. i haven't spoken much to xinyi and sherlyn yet but they both are nice pple too and my fellow IPs jaime and amelia of course=D we make a great team with such cool and funky year 1s yo. really thankful and like what my dear jaime says this team is just simply blessed with such nice people coming and go all the time so we must try to keep this tradition.
okay i need a really dreamless and muscle-relieving sleep tonight. ciaozz

2007-12-25T05:30:00.001-08:00

Merry merry merry christmas everyone(: thanks for the smses and cards

let me post a really retarded picture of myself

2007-12-24T02:15:00.000-08:00

"eh now very better ah you got partner alr"
Mr Tan (Yew hwee)

ya it definitely feels good and trng gets more fun as well. but hey i dont really like the scorching sun cos it damages my skin as i dont have the habit of putting sunblock=/ will put up a photo of both of us one day for yall to see

i went to the doc today due to the excruciating pain i have been experiencing in my back muscles and found out i have scoliosis... honestly speaking I was quite upset when i found out because it's gna make things difficult for me when it comes to trng and i cant do alot of things that makes use of the hands as well... then i realised there was seriously no point getting upset and decided to take it the positive way like the guy i saw in this show... he's a pilot and he's gt smth similar as me just that he aggravated it by not resting that he faced the possibility of being paralysed... he went thru physiotherapy but there was no improvement.. things only started to look up aft he went swimming very often to strengthen his back muscles... then tada aft some time he miraculously recovered and the thing in his spinal cord went back into place...

the doc told me i cld go physiotherapy too but no medicine will help.. he recommended swimming too so i will pop by the pool more often now to strengthen my back muscles=D

o man i just found out abt ipod touch from ian's blog... it's like the most high-tech gadget so far... technology really makes anything impossible possible sia..

2007-12-23T06:07:00.000-08:00

i only managed to fall aslp at 4am=( and i woke up bright and early this morning to go to jm's church. I dont wna comment too much in case i might be seen as indirectly denigrating my christian counterparts. However, i still must reiterate that i'm definitely going religionless like i have always been. I definitely believe in the god that exists as preached by the christians, the buddhists, the muslims, and the tamils. i believe in the existence of all of them. i pray to a god in my heart too, yet i would prefer not to classify him in any of the religions mentioned.
jiemin's church amazing, truly disciplined and not charismatic. i'm against charismatic church btw if you din know=P

the rainy afternoon was spent chilling out in bed, watching triumph in the skies. superb drama series i must say. i still have many stuff to do but i more or less settled most of them. i have more or less finished the seniors card except a few and the coaches as well. but i foresee another sleepless night so i can take my time to write i guess.
this week is a busy week with team night prep/match/gatherings/family outings/doc appt plus my beloved bro's childcare centre chooses to close early due to xmas which means even more busy for me. but i like the buzz cos it keeps me distracted.

i dont even wna think abt it seriously.

2007-12-22T09:20:00.001-08:00

i'm having one of my sleepless night albeit being really tired aft sitting at a dinner which took 5 hours=/ i cant stand this kinda thing but it's a charity dinner so it isn't that bad i guess
match against RP was a good game for most of the team i guess. i din have to do much, that everytime the ball came i felt very raw. my heart really went out to the RP gk, the way she handled pq's balls, the corners was impressive. the spirit itself is alr highly commendable. yet for me, i was extremely scared today, even more so today because the ball hardly came and everytime it came i could feel my heart pounding like a jack-hammer. when the ball came during the corner kick, everytime was going for it, but i stood there, comtemplating on sticking my hand out. when i wanted to punt, i comtemplated, and the longer i comtemplated, the more worried i got. i shldn think too much aft all, it's really the usual stuff i do and there shldn be any cause of worry for me.
i'm working hard for myself, for those people who earnestly believe in me. i can't wait for sch to start, basically to gain back my self-esteeem, and regain my source of distraction from all the really demoralising thoughts. i so wna get that o-i'm-so-busy-that-i-dont-have-time-to-think feeling. then again i wont forget what mr shi and mr boy has always reminded me amidst the really hectic life i enjoy.

2007-12-21T01:44:00.000-08:00

i have this disgusting red eye thing which i suppose should be just a bad eye infection that causing itchiness. well it's been there for a week alr but only a small part of my eye last week that only coach and peiqi noticed it. this morning the itchiness got terribly unbearable and it's now the whole of my left eye to my horror. the no. of eye infections i have in a year is really !@#$% and i spent my day slping hoping it will go. im feeling better now and ready to go. tmr's match against RP.
the sky's stormy now and my stomach is rumbling. mummy please come home soon.

2007-12-20T01:00:00.000-08:00

farenheit's music sounds rather good recently. and it kinda appeals even more to my ears ever since the airing of romantic princess. i listen alot to chin pop btw. when 5566 seems to be getting outdated and 183 club seems to have lost their shine, farenheit does seem the next up and coming boyband with really the cutest and hottest guy ard. esp. with hottie wang dong chen and that guy who isn't calvin or wuzun.
i still dont find wuzun hot. he's just prettaye in a girly way. but i give credit to his and calvin's superb acting skills in the taiwan series romantic princess. and how he actly manages to maintain his abs amidst his really hectic schedule(:

mr boy put me into a BCMG class(with debbyling?!?!?!?!@#$%^&). then i told him it's supposed to be BCME. i'm still kinda apprehensive abt gng with BIO cos my bio kinda sucks. but owellss.

2007-12-18T07:47:00.000-08:00

it was a simple but happy day for me.
i can't believe i keep seeing wanxin whereever i go.
i went over to sab's place.
i love baked carrot cake. yumss really.

as you can see i'm feeling prettaye incoherent now cos i feel my eyelids getting heavier by the second yet i feel i wna blog.
reading r's blog makes me really envious. envying someone does not stop me from feeling contented with what i alr have though. i know some things are really not meant to be, some things alr destined from the day we were born and some things that required that star quality/x-factor that only some people have. seeing other pple getting what i have always dreamt of makes me feel happy for them too really(:
yet it always makes me wonder am i thinking of things as too unattainable or is it simply the case for me? okay i needa slp double trng tmr(: BYE

2007-12-17T05:24:00.000-08:00

today was a sunny day albeit it rained a little(: i was supposed to go out with aik siong today but trng ended too late for me to go and it seems unlikely that i will getta meet him within this year. speaking of the other four friends, we haven't had a proper gathering since school closed and we so are gna get splitted up into different classes due to our disparing subj combi-s... we fixed one on the 27th, which is also the day against bishan arsenal, and i'm not sure i will be in the right mood to chillout with them aft that, but i'm sure i will

people have a common misconception abt me, that i'm a very sporty girl but no, i'm not. i can't do any sport well at all. i used to be really good in captain's ball and basketball but now it just pale so much in comparison with my pals. not too long ago, i was still not that bad at running long d, but for god sake's now, i pant like a dog aft running a mere 6k and i have lost that oomph feeling when i run. even jiemin says that i can't play any sport well at all, even simple things like jumping is a chore for me.
well, i am really tempted to change my blog addie from
"irun" to "icantdoanything.blogspot.com" i'm kinda ashamed at myself but i'm in the midst of working hard in making my steps lighter, getting my basics right
wanxin and amelia really helped me a lot today. i have alot to learn from them and i'm very grateful to them for actly pointing out my mistakes. okay toodles i needa go

2007-12-16T04:48:00.000-08:00

busy with the usual stuff, team night and trngs and of course dates with different people. i called off a few cos i badly needed rest(my left eye is really red)

i guess team night would be greatest worry for now, whether things wld turn out fine on that day and whether we can get food. but i'm glad the team has been rendering us so much help

yesterday aft trng(despite a really energy-zapping 6k plus punting) i actly travelled ard singapore shopping. well i went to tm then to vivo then to bugis. well actly in search of my espirit bag i saw a month ago but was gone apparently at the shop i saw but i saw another design which belongs to same collection of that particular bag which has a slighly different cut however it's more or less the same, suits me better, more feminine and practical(:
i really felt damn good aft buying it like i always do. i have this unexplainable fetish for bags. i let tops with perfect cuts slip past me but when i see a bag that i like(which seldom happens) it just kinda stays in my mind and i always nver regret buying them albeit they seem really overpriced sometimes. like how my mum always scolds me and say she cant believe that i actly paid 80bucks for that pink tote i'm carrying now=/

it really eats into my confidence when there's someone buzzing ard me telling me how fat i am and stuff and how my hair sucks now... then again there is definitely a certain element of truth in the person's words.. i just need a little more workout to tone up and use up shampoo that promote hair growth...
toodless

2007-12-12T03:59:00.000-08:00

well trng today wasn't good for me but this time i'm determined to work harder and not lose hope. sometimes i realise i shldn give myself so much pressure because i realise it's making my performance detoriate. sometimes i realised i shld not care so much of what others have to say abt me, because jm and azlin said i looked really panicky and lost during today's game. well i cld feel my blood pressure rising yet i din get that hey my performance is gna peak feeling=/
i so needa take things easy and WHEW chill man and get that screwed up feeling outta me.

I WANT MY LEGENDARY GLOVES BACK MR TAN!

I'm on CLOUD NINE=D

2007-12-11T06:44:00.000-08:00

today was a real busy day for me cos i was on the move the entire day. geylang east central to bugis to bras besah and to TM then to kenyang's place for 6.7 BBQ
yet i had a really fabulous time.
well looks-wise the guys have evolved to become macho hunks(yes i'm serious). the boy called wong shun him that used to sit in frnt of me and do really funny stuff like cutting his hair in the middle of lessons and got punished so often has become a 183cm tall hunk(: cos me and tracy(who used to sit beside him) went: eh he looks really good now eh?
HAHA yes and it's real amusing to hear how deep their voices have become=P

well the few of us haven't changed much, just more mature, as sensible as before. i felt like i went back to those innocent times of mine. i played street soccer with the guys + huixin + this angmoh guy who popped outta nowhere(HAHA!) prettaye amazed by their skills

aft that i spoke to edmund and hoyin and they told me how i used to be a crybaby and a pro at captain's ball last time and apart from that i'm still the old me lugging this big bag wherever i go. i accompanied hoyin to the airport cos he was due for a flight to tokyo.
on the way i actly found out he got 6 points for prelims but he wants to study this course(which i haven't heard before) at singapore poly. what i saw in my ex-classmates was how fervently and boldly they chased their dreams which was something absent in my other friends. Their eyes were fixated on this particular goal and they are so sure of what they are going to become and are working very hard towards their respective dreams. i felt so small and ashamed of being so unsure abt everything=/ wells nevertheless i really had a wonderful talk with him and gee T3 is such a beautiful place an with the added fact that we went at night so it was really quiet and romantic until i sent him off at T1 and eeks it was packed like sardines at like 10pm=/ with loads of bangladesh people going to middle east and singaporeans going to europe.
okay i'm on cloud nine now(: i'm thankful wanxin is in VJ and i hope to see 183cm tall hunk shun him next year.
really happy but AH i have been over-indulgent that i need to go on a detoxification diet(rarrhh)

gaspss IT'S JIEMIN'S BIRTHDAY

2007-12-09T05:56:00.000-08:00

"i have been gasping for one whole day because i forgot to breathe every now and then"

alright this will be a post inspired by debby ling on the simplicity of love

my idea of love has evolved from the bliss being in one to the immense enjoyment i derive from crushing from afar. basically if you wouldn't believe this, being in a relationship is definitely not as thrilling as crushing on someone from afar. And this time i'm extremely determined to keep my crush a secret(HAHAHAHA)
Even more recently, i realised you could simply get that bliss of being in love simply by watching couples exchanging their lovey dovey eyes on the streets. and you get that, "eh i think i feel happier watching them than being in one myself"
HOHO yes, that's love to me. i believe in this kinda love but not that kinda love.

*

To my dearest classmate/teammate/(AND MOST IMPORTANTLY) my bestest friend ever CHIA JIEMIN,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY(: you are greatly missed and your absence has made me realised how you actly stabilise my mood swings and how boring my love becomes without you. I hope in the coming year you will become less introverted, more open and lead the team to victory. Lastly, i wanna say again YOURS TRULY love you lorry and helicopterloadssss(and this is still an understatement) so COME BACK SOON and stop playing the disappearing act(:

From your favourite friend,
su xin hui grace.

31:52

2007-12-08T00:08:00.001-08:00

SEE THAT NO. ON TOP? yesh that's my timing for 6k... although there are like four people in the team who are much faster than me i'm still prettaye satisfied with this timing though cos the last time i did a 6K was actly last season and it wasn't this good i suppose....
running makes you feel good and i din get that heart palcipitating feeling again fortunately and in fact i felt really high during the run... as in i could feel myself getting faster and faster...

i wna run a marathon one day... unfortunately what i'm running now aint even a quarter of a marathon.. i would love to try 21k(half marathon) one day...
okay trng has been slightly better for me... i punt better, play monkey better, dive slightly better... i so makes me feel good nowadays when i see something better when i push myself.. the worst thing that can happen is to screw things up even more when you actly are pushing yourself... well the thought of the bishan arsenal match(the best women's football club in singapore) is really taunting.. nevertheless it is still consoling to know that i have one whole mth to train and handle their hard shots... i remember the last time i played 7v7 with them i conceded a goal in LESS THAN ONE SECOND... gave me a shock of my life i remember... this time it shall not happen again...

i needa prepare jiemin's present and settle team night stuff... meeting up with aik siong soon aft one and a half years... gna shop with puen and sing with debby and jingjing... go with jiemin to her church ALL NEXT WEEK(((:

2007-12-05T22:46:00.000-08:00

mr lim and coach spoke to me yesterday... i kinda realised that i have been focusing on the wrong stuff and all... i don't wna elaborate here cos there are certain things that i'm not willing to share... nevertheless mr lim sent me an sms last night which made me realised that i have in a way misunderstood him all this while... not in a too mean way just that i think i judge people too fast and it has cost me many relationships like how i used to detest wei wei=P

*
anyhow, spoke to jiemin about life and stuff... i realised my bestest friends are the ones who really put alot faith in something which makes us click... and coincidentally they are all christians... on the other hand i'm the direct opposite, cos i find religious stuff really blah(hope it doesn't offend anyone)... and we wondered if it was better if people only had a superficial understanding of you but thought they knew you very well v.s. they don't even know anything abt you... well... each of this describes the team's impression of me and jiemin and you can go guess...

i spent last night searching on blogs on the recent stan chart marathon last sun.... it's really nice reading people's experiences and going ooooh i had that feeling before.... you know a really long distance like 21k really gets you on a oomph runner's high as you run faster and faster.... long time since i got that feeling but HAHA it's great...

okay i'm really hungry BYE

2007-12-04T06:44:00.000-08:00

nathaniel's post always leave me enlightened and inspired and I like his style of blogging, or shld i say his courage to blog his true feelings without any qualms.

im digressing in my posts cos i find myself more and more unwilling to write what im really thinking but dont worry i dont lie either.
yet i don't stop writing because to me it's a sign of me giving up

for the past 1 week i have been trying to get myself into the "only soccer and studies" mode... eyes and mind on nth else yet the stupid dreams are haunting me again... and i start getting a really low self-esteem like it isn't alr low enough and it gets increasingly difficult to think positive like how i had a friend who used to tell me to think bright...

i suddenly enjoy keeping things to myself... and i get that hey i wna fly somewhere far away where noone know me and chill before coming back... the weather in china is great. i keep thinking of S and the things like in taiwan.. no it's not the holiday.. it's merely the thought of being somewhere faraway alone... i engage in occasional self-denial by not charging my handphone and deleting my msn before i realise it doesn't feel like i'm alone

i'm digressing again. it's okay if u don't understand. anyhow. it's nice seeing jiemin again during trngs. my life just feels slightly more normal than before(:

SHORT IS THE NEW LONG

2007-12-01T02:11:00.000-08:00

SHORT IS THE NEW LONG
okay as much as I dislike my newly cut hair i cannot deny it gives me a fresher look.. in fact a guy in a car actly whistled to me on the streets when i was on my way home...

my mum said it will grow long very soon and i hope so cos i dislike the current state of my hair

anyhows i had diarrhoea today from oomph the o-so-yummy dinner i had at the hongkong restaurant at marine cove... nothing to do with the dinner however the chilli was simply irrestible that i downed almost the whole bottle of it... plus the chilli i ate for ban mian during lunch... whoa it's enough to corrode my stomach walls
nevertheless i enjoyed 6k today.. coach mentioned to me that my last part no kick.. kinda agree cos i have always faced this problem since i have been from cross.. i start fast maintain it and tend to slow down at the end=/ but i wna improve my timing badly really badly

*
so it was mr boy's church wedding today(: the wedding photos were really sweet i thought. the ambience was right and food was great..
it suddenly occurred to me if i ever get married i wld make it a simple affair to the extent of only you and me in a church... but then again im prettaye sure i'm gna be a spinster for life... and to you thanks for the silent encouragement today... it really kept me going when i was abt to give up.. it really did mean a lot to me...

i was really pressed for time today cos i din have breakfast and lunch and despite how i tried to rush aft trng.. i was still flagging for a taxi at 1.50pm when the wedding was due at 2.00pm... i thought the rush was worthwhile and whew i'm real tired now haha... shall try swimming and running tmr and clear up the mess in my room...
ciaoz

GIVE LOVE TO FEEL LOVE KAYY

2007-11-29T04:42:00.000-08:00

i wonder if you caught enchanted, the movie.. i din catch it but i watched the trailer and nathaniel said something prettaye interesting so im putting it up here... it contained a sentence which really made sense

Nathaniel:

Aside from the usual Disney cliches (and its many varied spoofs), I think the movie has got several messages to tell.

It's got a message for people tired of Love, from Love, or too deeply entrenched in Real Life.

It's got a message for people whose relationships have lost that 'spark', who have forgotten the reason why they fell in love in the first place.

It's got a message for people who think they are in Love, but really are only in love with the idea of being in Love.

It's got a message for people who are in Love, but don't dare to pursue it.

It's got a message for people who are with somebody only for the sake of 'being in love'.

It's got a message for tired, jaded, old (and young) people.

haha some people have truly been "enchanted" by the movie yet others dont really have nice stuff to say about it... perhaps u would say those critics who din enjoy it are merely being cynical.. but i don't blame them..
i find it increasingly difficult to relate to people about my fantasies and my fairytale dreams... nevertheless i just wna say life could just be a teeny weeny bit or much happier if you could be less cynical, critical and focus on the right stuff... u don't wna live half your life before you finally realise you have been wasting your life mulling over and brooding over the wrong stuff...
i wna tell myself that cos when it gets tougher and tougher to keep optimistic you have to tell yourself your love and passion will keep you going...
so end this entry like i always said
give love to feel love kay

2007-11-28T05:15:00.000-08:00

Temperament
Idealist
You are the quintessential dreamer - spending more time thinking about the possibilities that the world holds for you, rather than your reality. You don't settle for anything less than what you truly desire and you work very hard. You tend to live in every place except the present - you are prone to daydreaming about the future and re-thinking the choices you made in the past. Sometimes you get overly caught up in your thoughts.
Interests
Simple
You are continually pursuing a simpler and less complicated life - you don't allow yourself to fall victim to all of the "should do's" that society continually bombards you with. You are thoughtful about your life choices and think in terms of yourself, others and the world in which we live. You have a great sense that we are part of something much bigger and we must be good to others, if we want others and the world to be good to us.
Amusement
Thoughtful
You are easily stressed out and overwhelmed - you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Because you tend to be self reflective, you know your limits quite well and must remember to not exceed those limits. When you overwhelm your life with obligations and responsibilities, you tend to shut down and go into yourself even further. Take some time to find your serenity and kick back your feet.
Passion
Emotional
For you passion is less about romance and sex - it's more about friendship and family. Strong emotional bonds and connections are your passion and your pleasure. You always let your loved ones know how much you love, respect and admire them. You do this through kind words, loving actions and simple gestures. You count your blessings each day and express your love openly. You expect the same from others.

im not sure watta blog or i shld say i blogged once but i din publish it... it's becoming more and more difficult for me to share my personal thoughts i realise... neither do i want to blog my boring everyday affairs... however i thought i will be very honest that im currently not in the best of moods... not that it's bad or what just that i needa get certain things off my mind... cos it's taking away my sleep.... i wake up in the middle of the night before I realise it's only a bad dream... or finding myself in tears... i find myself wanting to go somewhere when no one knows me and cool down for some time and i find it difficult to talk to people without putting up a front... im not sure what im gna do but trng keeps my mind off certain things.. makes me feel like i can go on running forever at ECP till my legs break yesterday.... albeit at snail's pace...
my legs are aching very badly that it cramps every now and then but i know i can still go on... i just need something to keep my mind off everything...

2007-11-16T06:45:00.000-08:00

grace su. calm your nerves now and dont be impulsive again.
the last thing i shld forget is that
I AM A GIRL.

although looking from a distance sounds pathetic but it's better than nothing.

my prince in shining armour

2007-11-15T07:58:00.000-08:00

my parents are damn stressed now basically cos the travelling plans are screwed up cos we just found out like an hour ago that my bro kna chickenpox=/
my family members sure has affinity with the different kinda viruses and diseases like seriously and my mum like gng to cry just now making me feel damn vexed also
in a way it's a blessing in disguise.. if we left without realising my bro had chickenpox, things will be disastrous during the trip. i'm thankful that my mum is very sharp cos she spotted a few pimply stuff and quickly suspected. i'm prettaye sure that if i were her i wld have overlooked such details and dismissed those stuff as merely rashes..

*
realised recently that love can be a choice.. but many a times even if you don't believe in it.. when it decides to appear and makes u lovestruck it's prettaye unavoidable when it comes to the matters of the heart.. esp. for pple like me where my heart always rules over my head...
the feeling of liking someone again is prettaye sweet... esp. from a distance... i wld love things to remain status quo apart from the occasional chats... aft all i always felt that if it's meant to be we'll be tgt in the end(:
i wish noone will ever notice and find out who this person is becos i really relish the present feeling alot now(:

charismatic

2007-11-14T04:44:00.000-08:00

we kept a clean sheet today and if you wna know the score it's
8-0 against RJ
definitely im happy but credit really went to the rest of the team who fought it out cos i more or less stood there observing their tatics and how we managed to hold possession 80% of the time...
i got a heart attack a few times... so did nat when one person on my right screwed up and the defender got past her and nat had to run frm one side all the way to the other to cover...
i thought bethany did a great job.. she was super relaxed.. relaxed to the extent that i got worried but somehow luck seemed to be on her side cos she always at the very last min when they were abt to penetrate into my line alr she wld stick out her leg at the right time and intercept their ball...
i was quite disappointed in my punts which is seriously atrocious... it's high but doesn't go far... it's tantamount to a kick to the sweeper in frnt of me just that it's looping sky-high.... and takes 4 seconds b4 it reaches the ground=/
goalkicks-wise i think the first one was alright.. i kicked properly instinctively but the second one i felt i hestitated too much and listened too much to the surrounding people like i always do... i think it wld be better if i had made better judgements on my own instead of being so one-tracked like coach said...

on the whole definitely i can say everyone played well... i think lorena has made tremendous improvements and perb really got into the game... amelia is getting better with the ball and being less lost so im happy for all of them
just that i hope the team wont get too complacent cos we shldn forget that it was our complacency which indirectly costed us the cup this year...

rrr i can't say how much i dont believe in love at first sight yet my intuition keeps saying otherwise.... sighh

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

2007-11-13T06:26:00.000-08:00

today's been a great day... i had fun with the team and the jigsaw puzzles HOHO

<...........> as for the details... it's in my heart and your brain.

aft which nat and peiqi accompanied me to peninsula to buy my gloves and gee how i oggled at those soccer balls..
nvm... like the espirit bag.. YOU WILL BE MINE ONE DAY(: (when i have the money)
with our aching legs and arms and hands and what's not... we wenta chill out at macs talking about stuff for the sake of ms seah who had a dinner at 7.30pm....

recently i saw this quote... you are not alone yet you are alone... an apt description of my exact emotions at that point of time... there's many ways of interpreting it but basically i was stoning at the deck chair watching pple swim thinking to myself how i can feel so lonely sometimes when there are people are who ostracised all their lives and the only people they have are only their parents...

i realised that friends are not that difficult to make and a natural flair i shldn take for granted... it comes from being true to pple and yourself.. it just suddenly struck me amidst the light atmosphere while walking with pq and nat...

i missed class chalet in the end but it is consoling to know that the 20bucks is still intact in my wallet...

match against RJ tmr. go team =D
you'll be fine grace=D all the way.

2007-11-12T05:50:00.000-08:00

要你牵着我手的每一天
喜欢靠在你肩上

因为爱你

my love will take you home

2007-11-11T05:47:00.001-08:00

i have been talking to coach and kr abt stuff on the phone last night
makes me feel better/good=D
we all know how wonderful a person coach is so i dont really have to elaborate on that
but i have one really lame and caring captain... i realised she has changed alot for the team, made future plans for the team.. so no doubt abt how she's a leader both on and off the pitch
i guess i so have to be thankful for such a great team.. and if anyone tries to ruin this cohesiveness i swear im gna go aft that person... basically i dont really like the general animosity we... ... ...

soccer-wise i always feel noone really empathise with how we feel and all that has happened to us... and im really glad to have chia-jaime by my side all the time although i dont really say it... but i think she knows=D it's always easy for people to say how we win/thrash/lose the other schools during a match but noone can really unds the unique experience we get from each match
it looks really easy when u look on and watch how my teammates dribble the ball skillfully on the pitch.. run and sprint distances like they can nver tired... but i guess pple failed to realise that it came with loads and loads of hard work...

im prettaye determined to to make a difference to the team at least and stop being a burden...

speaking of which im really guilty of being lazy to run... which explains why my clothes seem to get tighter... it's quite demoralising to make your first run feeling your stamina like a dead engine of a car=/ shall wna make my debut tmr night at ECP

2007-11-10T00:39:00.000-08:00

people who know me well enough will know that beneath that confident front lies a very inconfident and insecure soul(: prolly the insecure part is well-known but the confidence is all a lie meant to mask my inconfidence...

today coach shared with me something quite inspiring aft the match... it's something called self-awareness... he said that i dno what makes me cry what makes me happy... which i realised is prettaye true...
that was becos before the match there was this guy called mr loo.. looking at the way i did my drills with my team
coach told me: barely knowing you for only 15mins of his life he says you are a very inconfident person..
upon listening to that i felt my confidence level plunging even more=/ and the tears rolled down my cheeks without me even knowing why...
albeit i know deep in my heart that im actly very scared and inconfident i din expect anyone to smack those words right into my face right before a match

i dno whether the previous matches have eaten into my confidence but i must say the queensway match has been a truly emotional trauma and kuanren said something which made me realise since farah left and all the matches i have played.., there hasn't been a single one that i walked out brimming with confidence, without shedding a single tear... sometimes i dont even know why im very sad but this trend is really eating away my confidence...

one thing which is gna cost me and the team a lifetime's regret is to actly repeat the mistake at the finals... i wna carry on farah's braveness and her undying spirit.. why let the hard work go down the drain... i trained hard too and i believe i deserve more than this.. more than the standard im playing... charmaine and farah have really put up a superb fight for the past two seasons... i hope i can be braver than what i am now...

next up against RJ... the team really deserves more than this...

baby my love will take you home<3

2007-11-09T05:08:00.000-08:00

by courtesy of puen(:

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		11
Quality Time:		9
Words of Affirmation:		6
Acts of Service:		4
Receiving Gifts:		0

Information

Take the quiz

i have been asking jiemin countless times that whether i can hug her.... including today and i used my "last time lah" to coax her.. and she always rejects me with her... no loh your next trng then will last time again, class chalet last time again.... =/ sad right like i ever told anyone in my life whether i can hug a person and she rejects me like that =/

im materialistic i know... actly i dont find anything wrong with it as long im using my own money.. okay or my pocket money =P
okay i know im fat but im dreaming of being like the marie france spokesperson/ms malaysian ANDREA FONSEKA.. im almost as tall as her and she was once my weight too... nth to be ashamed of and now she's so beautifully slim=D you can too grace(: stay away from food... im terribly ashamed of my weight now and at my current height the lightest i have been is only 50kg=/ extremely disgraceful.. i swear u can just pull any guy out there and they would be lighter than me...
i was walking at vivo yesterday and i saw this caucasian lady... she was very slim... however when she walks past the rest of the pple amongst the crowd.. u get a shock when u realise that eh the other pple ard her are actly skinnier but they dont seem so unfortunately... it's all thanks to her oh so toned figure... which made me unds when pple said they rather looked skinny than weigh skinny=/

yet on the brighter note i ever came up with this diet plan which allowed me to lost 6kg within 2 months=D so im gna carry it out once again x2
it's possible one loh.... so stop telling me im fat...

but HONEY what can I do.....

2007-11-07T05:13:00.000-08:00

i like the current team now but i think i will like the team better when the sec. 4s come in... i wna see wanxin soon... i was supposed to play soccer with her and my pri six classmates today if not for trng... ah wanxin i miss you(:
actly it's true certain old friends mean more than the new ones=P esp. the people who knew you when you were more innocent and naive... which is the prolly the reason im looking forward to 6.7 chalet.. like whoa so long no see...
soccer trngs has been fulfilling basically i feel im learning alot more than the last time and hoho... i had the honour of kicking with KR today... basically cos i havent dared to until aft much encouragement frm PQ(: everyone have been prettaye accomodating and tolerant of my ahem cannot-make-it soccer skills....

went shopping today(: we practically splurged on good food and heels and etc.
i almost made an impulsive buy of a >100dollars espirit bag... but well i think im gna get it aft all... im still feel the pinch of that 100bucks merchandise i bought the other time...
so im feeling so indulgent today...
i popped by this shop and saw a top with the perfect cut and length and yet im currently not in good shape to wear it sadly to say=( u know what i shld do yet im not doing what im supposed to do=/

currently comtemplating on gng beach blowout... 10bucks outta my wallet if i go... and it clashes with my shopping for winter clothes tmr.. i can go aft that but i think i wld prefer a good night of rest before my match the next day... i wna play well so that i wont implicate the team again like the other queensway sec. match.. well... it was cos of me that we drew with a b div. team and i wont let it happen again on sat
match against RJ is the one that is worrying me.... but we shall see how it goes cos worrying wont help...

2007-11-06T06:45:00.000-08:00

Ooooh the holiday feels good=D im spending great time lazing my day away... makes me feel like some potato couch... im feeling prettaye hopeful cos im on a snowy hols this nov(:

i dno if you believe there's a dark side to everyone.. some people's one are darker than others.. while some people choose to run away from this dark side... and personally i believe people who have weathered storms in their childhood where they haven't actly recovered from the psychological damage to their mental health tend to have a much darker side of their life

within this realm lies a person's sense of loneliness, pesssimismm, helplessness and hopelessness. it's not wrong to experience such emotions but when it gets too intense... i must say it can be really dangerous... but that again.. it's uncontrollable and it makes up an integral psychological part of a person...

nowadays it's weird that i dont realise it when i get flustered disturbed frustrated and moody until my friend tells me. im just extremely fortunate to have a very chirpy and optimistic nature even if im in a foul mood.. it's quite cool people still derive meaning from life knowing that their day would be rotten and as much as u can say.. i know it's part of life.. few people really accept it as a part of their life.. which is prolly the reason why im unconscious of my disturbed and frustrated behaviour which is prolly a good thing also..
im was previously pertubed by my momentary loss in sense of direction in life... cos as u know im a person who believes strongly in working towards something.... then i realised my interest lies in psychology... i get prettaye amazed in human psyche... quite cool eh.... i might become a pilot when i become older rich enough to go for lasik surgery fly for a living while holidaying at LA, Paris, Switzerland, using my own money on Gucci, Burberry merchandise....

on a last note i officially swithced my combi back to BCME.. dont be too surprised instead it should really stump u by my choice of PCMG.. basically it's not BCMG cos i dont wna drop dead from memorising bio and geog tgt.. and E shld be come in handy when i do business next time...

spare my incoherence... as im feeling quite incoherent recently. CIAOZ

2007-11-03T02:26:00.000-07:00

ah i proclaim that im feeling damn dead and restless=/ yet only half my day is gone
Symposium today was good i caught interesting presentations ushered parents and it's quite heartening when a parent came up to me and said:
hey i remember you.. your name ois grace right... my child got into the VIP
(:
aft that albeit feeling damn stone i went to sneha's house for team lunch cooked by her mum=D

and here i am back home aft watching some bollywood movies... im gna set off for class dinner when i feel good enough to get outta bed...

i needa feel chirpy... but it's a little difficult cos im quite=/ dead alr.. and my stamina is like shit now.. as in the stamina to be busy all day.. which i wld call the buzz stamina...

but horray i got some hee good pictures=D

My all-time favourite teacher

My dearest mentee

yours truly with our O-so-hot ex VIP head

and another one

yiliang=D

2007-11-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

it's a well known fact that i can even be prone to falling while simply walking...
look at this:

well i felt like i cldn be more suay than today... cos i just recovered from my flu and i stepped outta house to buy stuff... and coincidentally i had to get eggs too... and while happily walking i fell down sprained my ankle and HEH the eggs BROKE!! and now my poor ankle is swollen too=(

on a second note... i was writing my top 3 achievements and i realised what i wrote was rubbish... as if i felt like my SLP was the biggest achievement in my life.... actly i think my greatest achievement and the only worthy thing i have done in VJ was during vjc cross country... looking back i think it's been long long since i ever achieved another PB.. and felt that "ooomph" feeling im an athelete... when i run now i feel like waa i wna die alr... and i havent found time to really really run for leisure sadly to say....
the hols are gna past fast and the new yr is coming... i wna make the most outta it...

HAHA

2007-10-30T03:59:00.001-07:00

What sport are you meant for??
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Track

You should join track- its great that you like to run, now use it in a sport!

Soccer

83%

Track

83%

Field hockey

83%

Swimming

67%

Football

67%

Volleyball

58%

Golf

33%

Baseball

33%

Tennis

33%

Basketball

33%

Ice Hockey

25%

Lacrosse

17%

Softball

17%

2007-10-29T20:37:00.000-07:00

it's quite sad that i dont get an A for higher chinese when im labelled a cheenah girl since im a dunman girl...
sadly to say... as compared to my not-from-dunman counterparts.. my chin is =/

im there's little i can do now to salvage the situation cos chinese is a language that has to be developed over a long period of time...

on a happier note... i think im developing a passion for soccer.. last time jasmin used to tell me... pple in the team trained hard was cos of their passion for the team and only a minority of them was cos of their passion for the sport..
which i realised.. was prettaye true...
kicking the ball was nothing more than a sport where you handle the ball using the legs b4 i realised recently it's a form of art... this sounds cheesy but that's prettaye true and im still in that imitation stage where i have to consciously make an effort to handle the ball in the correct way.. it's fun though cos there's pro people like nat and peiqi who are always teaching me how to carry out those drills correctly and im glad coach is giving me a chance to train with the team...

and im gng china this hols.. likea WHEE SO HAPPY(: it's winter there and i heard the place im gng is a beautiful place... too bad i wont be able to join jiemin in HK.. but at least i dont have to be cooped up in the 33 degrees Celsius SUNNY ISLAND

2007-10-27T07:35:00.001-07:00

the purpose of putting this in chinese is so that most people wont be able to read this or even bother reading this(: and i realised i can convey today's emotions better in chinese=D

今天真的过得很开心。。
我最喜欢在夜幕低垂时，一个人走在街上，静静地享受身边鸦雀无声的周围环境，那种浪漫的感觉真的是非笔墨所能形容

今天队友们问我一道很令人深思的问题。。。那就是什么时候要结婚。。谈起这种终身大事。。其实我心里面已经有个答案了。。那为何会让我深思呢？因为首先应问的问题就是你相信爱吗？
我不相信爱。。。而我也从来没有勇气去陶醉在一段恋爱中，是缺乏安全感也认为如果我不能完全信任那个人也没有必要浪费彼此的时间，所以很多次都非常狠心地。。。。。。

其实至今我还是无法忘记去年所发生的那件事。。。至今还历历在目。。心里真的很放不下。。也不知道是讨厌自己伤害别人又伤害自己或者是讨厌自己那么不坦白。。其实回想起来真的是有那种非常酸酸的味道。。偶尔还是会想起他。。

总而言之，虽然渴望爱的人很多，包括我在内，但是只有绝少的人能够真正明白爱情的意思。

just like what my friend said
friends are forever.. men are WHATEVER(and this.. is still an overstatement KAY!!)

2007-10-27T07:35:00.000-07:00

2007-10-26T08:16:00.000-07:00

today was the last day of my aerodynamics course(like phew finally!)
i hope i dont get into trouble cos my attendance is only 50%
we din win anything but i was happy nevertheless cos i got to know a new friend called yun hui.. who knows someone else in our class and we were talking abt this person...

i once told jiemin i think im like a flower and my friends are attracted to me like butterflies...and although it's thick-skinned to say that.. i must say i make friends easily everywhere any time
albeit im very selective but im intuition tells me who's my friend and who's not
*

and tada aft much serious thought.. taking up my sleep time cos i was supposed to slp at 1030pm and now it's 1118pm...
and from a
BCME(which is bio chem maths and econs)
i have switched to
PCMG.. which is a drastic chance
physics cos i wna go overseas and study and physics is a prerequisite for many courses in overseas uni
geography cos i just found out econs is useless and aft looking at all of them they are equally useless so i shld take the one i have with the most interest...since i have taken physics for practicability

it's either BCME or a PCMG it wont be a PCME or a BCMG

it's 1122 and i want my beauty slp to train hard tmr....

it's hard but good life here in VJC, VIP =D and i love vjSG and 06v11. (:

2007-10-25T06:14:00.000-07:00

i derive the happiest and most carefree feeling when im alone.. lying down staring at the starless night sky...
i wonder if u ever tried doing things alone before... especially at night... if you haven't you should try.. whether it's running or just sitting down... u will realise that's when u can take down your mask you have been putting on in the day or in frnt of people...

(:

2007-10-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

i think emo is an overused word..
when people say "don't emo".. they don't realise what they are saying is
dont emotional.. which is literally.. bad english..
which is also the reason why i nver ever use the word emo...

secondly.. the meaning of being emotional is different from being sentimental and shldn be used so haphazardly on every single small thing.. evertyime I stone and unconsciously give pple that "im pondering over something" feeling..
they immediately say.. "dont emo leh" which really irritates me...

im currently feeling extremely cooped up... and i feel the immense desire burning within me to fly overseas.. if you remember i wanted to be a pilot and actly my only reasons i wanted to be a pilot was as following
1) my flaming passion for travelling
2) the high income i can draw from travelling
3) i think it is my honour to serve a world-class airport= world-class working environment
4) i have a reason not to stay single forever cos i will always be on the move

this sounds really ridiculous but i so have no interest in planes or how planes actly take off or else i wld b taking phy nxt yr
and u seriously wont unds the blazing frustration in me of gng to NUS every week listening to a boring lecture on how planes actly take off and for goodness sake what streamlines and different air pressure and what's not... and how the lecturer slam me with so many universal equations that are ehhhh.... incomprehensible..

so recently i was struck with this sense of helplessness.. wanting to travel ard the world yet at the same time having to think of a profession that i have interest in so that i can at the same time pursue this interest.. which hmm looks rather bleak eh...

it makes me green with envy when i see people able to pursue what they truly love
and yet it gets so depressing when you realise it's so difficult to get the best of both worlds...

on the contrary, i know that i will still take up piloting and fly ard the world cos so far it seems the best way out.. i hope i can go abroad this hols..

2007-10-22T06:20:00.000-07:00

im getting a little bewildered by the very unique jargon of teenagers.. this sounds ironic but i was smsing bernice and i cldn unds what she was talking abt....
it's like " you look cute with j*** ty"
and im like what's ty
then she asked me to stop chio-ing.. and im like what are you talking abt..
anyhows.. smsing seems evermore unattractive and unappealing cos if i wna talk to someone.. i'll rather call that person up like i always do

anyhows my appetite has been really goood thanks to my da yi ma... my mum bought punggol nasi lemak and munchy donuts [ slurp slurp ] then i had big juicy pears to crunch on.. i slp eat exercise and occasionally touch chinese when im shuangg... good life eh..

i was looking at photos yesterday to see how people have grown... mentally physically... HOHO...

for reminiscing sake(: take care darlingss

2007-10-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

andie chen
i think this guy is kinda hot + cute.. i so happened to switch on the tv and they were broadcasting star search..

star search is a prettaye boring variety show apart from the fact that there's 3 hot guys in it.. HOHO

2007-10-19T20:27:00.000-07:00

i wna say i love ms chia jaime times 1000 0000 0000 infinity times....
she made me more optimistic and hopeful abt life and i think it's rare that there's a friend whom i really feel dont despise my background no matter how blissful hers might seem in comparison to mine... and i can tell her all my secrets in the world and she's the one person that i know wont tell anyone...
she's prolly the most understanding and empathetic person in the world and i hope i have at least learnt some of these really good traits from her
on the other hand... i wna apologise for POLLUTING her beautiful innocent world..
she has become more pai under my hmm.. not so good influence.. but i think at least i have made her less suagu... and made her feel more like she's a human of the 21st century=D

that stupid girl din cry yesterday... instead she was laughing like shit when people were crying their hearts out... and she doesn't show any signs of being depressed being in different stream as me next yr.. and i got stared at when i cried and she din...

how irritating.. when the truth comes crashing down on her.. i shall see how my dear friend reacts...

on as last note.. my deepest regrest for the exams is not getting an A for BIO b4 ms low leaves... i knew i flopped real badly this time... and i feel like all the efforts she invested in me went down the drain... it's very obvious when u look at the no. of As and i score much lower than those u normally cant do bio WHICH ALSO PROVES.. the paper aint that tough.. actly i dont really mind doing badly but it's ms low which made me feel soaked with remorse..
so i decided i will cont'd to take bio.. but the next time round.. i will train up my MCQ and give myself less pressure so that i can perform like i normally do(:

BYE physics although i got a prettaye good grade for EOYS but im not taking you... YOU ARE OUTTA MY LIFE.. YAY!!

2007-10-18T04:54:00.000-07:00

i dno what to say abt the results but i think i shld be thankful.. i failed my chem lab badly... i think i gna die for A levels SPA=/ it took away the A i deserved

on the other hand i know i have to be thankful for my A and B trendsss... i wna keep it gng and no Cs prettayeee please... please give me one more B for LA...

i have been good and doing chinese only TODAY.. been having loads of my beauty slp cos i reach home late everyday and get super duper and i fall flat on my o so comfy bed every night... then i start watching my favourite detective show forensic heroes before dozing off... and i feel awake enough i go play mario/pokemon/happyland/extreme herder/orisinal
HOHO
must cherish such good life...
the key to good skin is water and sleep(:
and since i have had so much slp i shall go run later and build up my stamina so that i can run with coach soon.. yesterday ir proved how much my stamina sucked when i almost died running a short distance of 4.8km.. waa if 6k i think i will just fall flat on the ground...

GIVE LOVE TO FEEL LOVE KAYY

2007-10-15T07:04:00.000-07:00

HOHO.. today was a fruitful day at pasir ris.. i was all over pasir ris and as for what i did today
it's for me to remember and for you to guess!

im happy cos my mum is gna sponsor 50% costs of my prom whatever shit... and i got someone to help me choose clothes for me so i can stop worrying about the whatever theme for now... im wearing pants cos i cant imagine myself in those babydoll dresses...
i will just leave everything for pple to help me do that day and i shall sit there and shake leg=P ( i just needa make sure im skinny enough to fit into whatever clothing that has been chosen for me cos i dowan cases of holes ripped in my pants and stuff)

*

it's like a rocking chair.. looks very appealing... you thought you could sit onto it comfortably rocking back and forth.. before you realise you dont even dare to sit back with security cos you fear you will fall any time... i wonder if you get that feeling but it seems to describe ** so aptly...
hmmmmm.... just some food for thoughts

2007-10-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

i once thought that i was the only one.. but i realised i wasn't
when i went to J's house one day... i realised that hey.. im the only one.. his family is like that too..
there was one day last yr when C told me of some family stuff as well and i realised.. maybe it's only normal

but sometimes you cant help it when u compare yourself with certain other pple who are living in a blissful world totally oblivious of their ugly stuff ard them... you are envious really

i dont get envious though when everything is alright and i dont crave for love or family warmth... cos i nver felt i needed it anyway...
just that when the tension gets so great and you feel like blaming the whole world for everything that is happening and why things look as if that it is all your fault when it isn't that now you even feel that it's your fault yourself... you really get envious u know...

antithetically i wonder if i wld say in the same voice when i really get that so called ahem family warmth... like i said.. i dont need it...

i dont have trust in any relationship and hmm... i guess there's nth wrong with that... it's human to have insecurities... but it sometimes gets too much that it worries me...

i think i told mr boy b4.. i realised that there's nth worth for me living on this earth... and there's nth in my life that i do that i can truly be proud of... so the very small things i can do is to do my best for those stuff that is temporary that is material.. like academics... like physical appearance... like money..
that sounds so pathetic but that's the truth...

good for you if you have all of them.. including the bliss you have always dreamt of in relationships...

i makes me feel inhumane to know that hey those little stupid relationships mean nth to me... because when the whole world is pointing their fingers at you.. you know that there's no one you can trust... and there's very little you can do to make your life worthwhile

and at this very moment you know.. the fear of death suddenly dissipates.. and i feel myself telling god...
i have no aim in life and i feel that my existence is meaningless... i rather die than continue being a wasteful earthling sucking away the earth resources meaninglessly... i wish i get contracted with a terminal illness.. and hurry die... i wish i cld end up like my dad.... anyway my mum has always said im exactly like my dad and one day i wld end up like him.. so eh i give you my life.. take it away frm me now....

if you dont wna take my life... show me... the relationships i believe in exists... and give me the strength to persevere until when i find them one day.... i dont mind waiting.... just prove to me one day that i will reap what i commit i will feel what is love... and it's possible to commit to loving someone or a bunch of pple truly impt to you in your love wholeheartedly... who feel the same way towards you and are willing to do the same way for you...

i realised im still hopeful and there's still side of me that is optimistic... beyond the cynical, skeptical pessimistic view of human nature i have... it's something i can't help but occasionally ponder... pardon me

2007-10-13T18:56:00.000-07:00

HOHO.. facebook is damn lame and boring..
apart from the IQ test i did yesterday=D
my score is 131..im the median score amongst my friends.. nick is mad with a score of 145.. now u know who's the smart ones and the lowest iq score amongst my friends is 119... as much as i dont wish to admit.. i realised im prettaye stupid i realised.. but it's okay.. not as if i din know that previously... but i improved a little bit cos when i did it when i was 14 years old.. it was only 122..

and im really a KUKU when it comes to facebook.. it took me so long to find the pictures pple tagged me... and summore it's all so UNGLAM one... and im not very facebook-savvy

okayyy i needa stop slacking.... bb...

2007-10-12T00:03:00.000-07:00

Hey you.. im back home for a short rest cum packing my room b4 chionging outta house for NUS
im damn friggling tired and i need my well-deserved rest.. i have been on the move and reaching home every single night for the whole week that i fell aslp while eating dinner las night.. and im still wearing my contacts from yesterday morning=/ im really tired x10000000 timesss...
O LEVELS HIGHER CHINESE=( i spoke to my chin tuition teacher yesterday.. he was quite surprised i failed summary so badly... and my ying yong wen is =/
okay i got a B4.. my zuo wen saved me... my grades are dropping at the time they shldn but it's okay my paper 1 is settled for now thanks to my tuition teacher and he will settle paper 2 with me in the next few wks..
i feel like ponning NUS today's lesson..but i used up all of them for ponning last three wks cos of the exams=/if i pon anymore im gna get it from Mr Teo...
i need my run badly.. i havent ran at all yet. TIAN AH.. havent found the time but that's a stupid excuse...

did i say im gng prom? althou i feel very very very xin tong for my money.. jing and jolyn is gng too.. so it's abit what if i dont go.. the whole bunch of rich kids in my class... but the theme PANIC AND DISCO is giving me a headache..
i tell you im gna gorge until my dress burst that day to make my money worth.. that sounds so cheapo but i can buy a lotta things will a hundred plus bucks okay

im very tired and i dont wna go NUS.. AH!

2007-10-11T15:08:00.000-07:00

im dead someone.. save me

2007-10-10T08:50:00.000-07:00

HELLO YOU..i realised blogging prim and properly can be quite tiring cos you have to mind your language and be so structured and coherent in your entry..

anyway im a very very happy girl today..
cos the guys put up a great fight with fei gege making his debut today shooting balls like free for his AHEM 180+++CM height during bball

so so so.. let's take a look at the results:
for the BOYS
Flooball:1st
Volleyball:2nd
Bball: 3rd
Handball: 3rd

((:

for the GIRLS
Flooball:1st
netball:1st
Bball: 1st
captain's ball: 1st

((:

floorball was the highlight and prolly the best finale we could ever have for the day.. you cldn have imagined how the whole hall was filled with pple to watch that match and when how intense the atmosphere was when we were doing the penalty shootout.. they had two GREAT GRAND SENIORS whom were really good... and when jiemin scored the first goal.. omg i felt like she was my hero..
when both teams shot in two goals for penalty shootout(michelle and JM), cephas decided on this sudden death thing like one determining shot which will decide you win or you lose immediately.. when puen made that save against shakura's god-like shot, the whole hall started screaming like mad and cheering like crazy..
and the next moment when jing jing was up against cuiyan... the whole hall just suddenly shrouded in silence... and you have felt how all our heartbeats pounded like x10 times harder...
and when she made that heavenly shot, pple started breaking into tears like wei wei and june.. and the whole 11 legacy immediately gathered together and jumped in joy..

that feeling is beyond words.. at the same time you feel hell damn happy and elated and triumphful yet at the same time you feel so emotional and touched suddenly...
well that's the type of memories i will definitely store somewhere safe in my heart and not let time take it away=D

im extremely red now.. even redder than jiemin.. call herself my friend.. she actly applied sunblock b4 trng at st wilfreds and din offer me just becos she saw me talking to someone.. and aft trng she looked like she hadnt been in the sun at all.. and throughout trng i felt like that was an acid-base reaction on my face... and the pain stings like hell.. DAMN PAIN AH HELP HELP! and there's weights tmr.. i wonder how im gna lift them up.. cos my legs are aching like shit now..
my fitness is really lousy like shit now.. and i need to rest my poor muscles...
i wna go out with my family and get good food.. sushi will do great(:

i havent done my run yet.. can god please please please heal my sunburn, my aches, my backpain quickly so that i can go run at night and enjoy the cold romantic air.. anyone wanna come along?

2007-10-09T05:22:00.000-07:00

oman.. im so tired but happy(:
im so proud of 11ners.. cos everyone gave their best esp. 06v11.. and the few of our jnrs who are so hardworking
the current scores are 11 girls have gotten first for both netball and basketball
and the 11 guys have gotten first for floorball and 2nd for volleyball
we have almost perfect scores(:
the cup just seems something common everyone is working towards and it is an unspoken fact that we want something that is worthy for us to remember b4 we part as a class=D

the guys are in really bad shape with like alvin yiliang kelvin and jaytee who have all sprained their ankles... it was so bad that yiliang was limping and kelvin was tearing.. tian ah...

aft that the girls and few guys went for lunch tgt at pp foodcourt.. good food good company.. just that i got pangsehed with jourdan cos everyone was so tired=/
food court sells good home-cooked food if you are craving for some.. cos im really tired of fast food and instant food=/

honestly speaking... despite the competitive learning environment we are often placed into.. there is something we cannot take for granted is the close bonds everyone have forged with each other through the tough and good times(: its just very nice to see everyone out there working hard for each other doing the least we can do for each other...
like the floorball finals.. i just felt like it was the soccerboys final.. the two 11classes congregated and started banging the pails and whatsoever bottles and cheered like free... you so cant imagine the elation at that very instant we won on penalties
the feeling im getting now is shiok.. i hope this feeling can cont'd b4 i get back my shit results=/
eeks

2007-10-08T11:48:00.001-07:00

im currently watching romantic princess.. it's a nice show cos angela zhang is a prettaye good actress and um wuzun seems more man in this show.. but he still is sissy...
why girls go gaga over him is something i still fail to comprehend...

the exams are over(:
and i wna go bouncy bouncy smack smack.. im gna get a heart attack..

okay basically i think i learnt something today..
什么事都应用平常心对待，不要要求太高，否则失望越大
the papers which i really had very very low expectations of turned out to be better than those i had higher expectation of....
whether it's on field or during the exam.. i think i learnt something this time... and i know the mental state i gotta be in if i wna do something REALLY REALLY big well..

trng today made me feel good.. like those endorphins rising in you and you feel you are leading a more normal life by going home late again..
sadly to say im bounded to that friggling NUS course which is gna suck my hols away... but as mr boy said.. sometimes you gotta do things with a certain purpose or to put things crudely.. with an ulterior motive... like to decorate your portfolio.. it's not something i believe in but since i alr started on the course i might as well finish it..
lest they call mr teo up again and complain the vj reps nver turn up=/
i wna do a long long run in a good good weather.. like at night..
i wna have long hours of slp and live healthily..

and and seriously.. i so need to tidy up my room.. which is in a big mess

2007-10-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

okay.. im gna mug late tonight.. cos i realised im very very dead for phy....

anyway... trng starts tmr.. yes even more dead... i need time to train up.. but it's okay... i know i will just be panting like dog tmr...but oyays.. in a way im released alr and can revert to my more normal life?=P

im gna run alot alot alot and pull jing with me... im gna make my first run tmr aft the exams with jing...
and im gna diet alot alot...
and im gna watch youtube alotalot..
there's nice videos like you know
1) jaychou's the secret
2) high sch musical
3) this new show with zhang shao han and some hot guy called gong zhu xiao mei
4) and im gna look out for my mike he/wang shao wei and umm other hot and tall guys=P

i sound so lag and despo but im not.. i just need an outlet to release...
im gna go for night runs at ECP(sneak out of the house)... and prolly pull someone along for safety's sake.. and swim more.. exercise more.. and get back into shape
cos it sucks feeling unfit and eeks fair like snow white..

my mum thought i applied cosmetic powder on my face
like walao eh.. i got so fair meh=/

it's okay as i said.. i will become more normal(as in skinnier, tanner, tonedner, more sane mentally and less stressed)

and then gain back my mental health by spending more time with my friends my mum and my bro... go the airport more and cont'd tailing pilots.... i need to gain back my sanity... i sound like the exams raped me of my normal life... but yes isn't that true

waa cant wait... change needs time... and i have alotta time aft the exams..
WHEE

2007-10-06T06:38:00.000-07:00

HEY! i have been slacking too much... trying to force myself to study but to no avail though.. plus phy is like one of my worst science subj now=/
i was telling jm that day.. waa if i fail any of the science subj this time.. i think they won't allow me to enter science stream.. then i do what? cos im not an arts student either...
me may and jiemin share a common hatred towards phy.. yes P-H-Y-S-I-C-S
i cant say how irritating it is to read abt whatever rate of change of magnetic flux for electromagnetic induction which is really frustrating me cos i still cant get it
RARH..
bear in mind your 3s.f. and units and that your g= 9.81 ALL THE TIME darlings out there if you wna save those few marks you can get
so SIAN.. okay i have to mug late tonight cos i havent mugged today yet

on a last note my mum told me to diet everyday since three days ago.. on thursday.. she came to me and said..
you better go trim down(trim?!) aft the exams..
look at jesseca liu and jacelyn tay.. so skinny and prettaye...

if i only i was blessed with such god-like figure like jesseca liu/alba.. they got the figure while being maintaining their skinny figure.. and not everyone can be like them btw..

the next day... my mum came to me and said.. maybe you shld stop eating eggs.. (like uhh what's that for)

today.. she came to me and said
OMG why are your legs to fat....

like i dont feel fat enough like that..AH!1

screamsss... i know my old friends and relatives are gna go..(cos i havent met them like in a long long time) eh you put on weight.... they are prettaye concerned over my physical appearance like i so fat nobody will want me like that.. my sis is so much fatter than me and nobody comments..
you see public opinion will tend to pressurise you to go do something abt your looks..
just like how my mum has been reminding me to go visit the dermatologist ASAP..
go exercise and slim down after the exams....

and personally.. i only feel i wna do something abt my hair.. im listening to my hair-stylist advice and stop layering the bottom part of my hair so much... cos they look like whirly whirly tails and make me look like a mafia girl..

joy to the world.. i shall stop worrying so much abt the blobs of my fats...
here i come physics...
waa seriously for the bbq session right.. the file i gna bring to burn is physics leh..

2007-10-04T22:42:00.000-07:00

we love physics dont we..
it's difficult to convince yourself phy is such a lovely subj when you are not a mechanical person.. im just more inclined towards the bio side.. even thou phy is simple to a certain sense...

a very agonising period for me.. trying to hold out for that last few days of mugging b4 im free... im very esaily distracted and get hooked onto the net... bad!

bio yesterday was horrid.. it bursted my bubble of scoring an A this time.. from my F last time..
i withnessed the marks from paper 1 growing wings and flying away under my very nose... AH=/
my paper 2 will prolly pull me up cos it's 40 m and i got the genetics quest and 11m more or less correct.. well actly i was very very demoralised aft paper 1.. and when i was doing paper 2
i stunned tio for the 11m excretion quest and the 12m genetics quest which cld either make or break u... then dno leh.. as in cos i knew i was gng to do badly alr so i just anyhow whack.. and nver worry so much.. so i kinda cleared those two hurdles 10min b4 the paper ended...
during paper 1.. miraculously i felt ms low's words ringing in my head all the time.. and althou im not gna do like damn well.. but i honestly enjoyed doing the paper and the process of answering those quest... i felt exactly like the first day of remedial i had last nov hols... and now the CPE thing is just internalised and an unconscious part of me...
aft the paper.. pple were chanting the ans. the way they memorised from the notes.. and they were elated at getting those ans. correct.. which kinda reminded me of myself last yr.. i was exactly like that.. but i still failed.. i guess those who really really like bio like jm may and hs will prolly unds bio is more than just memorising
and it's exactly how i wont unds whats so fun abt phy.. =/

eeks phy.. you are outta my life aft mon..
SHOO SHOO

2007-10-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

the teachers sure have their way of piping up their notes...
im reading reproduction notes now..
and Ms Low went:
ARE MEN NECESSARY?
Well! actually... men are less necessary than women(Sorry, guys, the truth is hard to bear!) a species can do without males, but not without female. Some species get rid of males together and simply do not bother with sex.....

then i burst out laughing to myself... okay that sounds like im a looney.. but anyways...

im mugging bio now aft one whole day of slping... im getting drained by the exams and it's sucking my life outta me... i was doing SS today and my only motivation was.. eh grace it's ending in 1h 30mins... bear with it....
well the next two papers im facing are the ones i like and dread at the same time
1) cos it's my niche subj: the sciences
2) the are the ones i ironically havent been doing so well in.. one i failed last yr for EOYs and the other which i have been performing amongst the bottom in the class

but i enjoy mugging bio though.. it's makes me feel more sane cos it enlightens me....

when i told laoshi im very traditional... then she speculated that i was a teochew.. it might seem like an over generalisation but it's true teochews are very traditional..
this may sound damn uncool of me.. but i dont listen to punk rock or those you know songs of today's popular culture..
i go for oldies or chinese songs...
ya grace is uncool

i wonder if people know who's gareth gates... and james blunt is another singer i adore for his hit song 1973... besides whatever blackeyedpeas and linkin park are so not my thing...
songs are really impt cos they give you alive during this period and accompanhy thru your sleepless night(:

hold in there grace and everybody.. it's ending it's ending..

2007-10-01T01:34:00.000-07:00

hey you.. im feeling damn happy now...
im sorry if my blog has been so exam-based and nerdy as me in my specky look=_=
but but but LA is over.. that's definitely something worth celebrating regardless of whether you did well or not(:

well my intuition is spot on like most of the time.. yesterday i predicted smth is gna happen then today my mum ended up being hospitalised.. the house is so quiet now again and i hope it's nth serious....
i really see the need to do smth big for sum1 b4 sumthing gets serious.. i really trust my intuition and i know that god or someone out there is just prolonging my(or someone close to me) existence on this very earth..
it's a very strong feeling telling me that i shld put down all my insecurities and comtemplation and just do what my heart tell me to...
im not emoing okay.. i just know that smth big is gng to happen to me or someone close to me..
if i had the choice i wld hope that misfortune befalls me.. cos no matter what i find my life prettaye worthless and as compared to anyone else's..

2007-09-29T23:30:00.000-07:00

do you feel your eyes popping... your head exploding..
i have got that swollen eyes feeling although my eyes aint swollen for some time alr...
it's not lack of slp btw i have been having more than enough slp FYI.. it's just S-T-R-E-S-S...
anyhows.. thanks my friends my darling friends sabrina ang chia jaime alicea tan wei wei OWYONG POOEY(sounds good) for helping me so much or else i wld have died long ago..
did i say i was drowning in stress yesterday afternoon aft looking at the practice papers placed on blackboard.. i felt like
grace you are so dead.. it's the end of the world.. go bang you head against the wall and prepare to fail on monday....
then this friend came and picked me up again.. i really nver felt so despondent and hopeless abt a paper b4.. and when i give up it's really becos im desperate and i have no other way out...
but now im seeing light again... the thing is to never give up i guess...
i wna go for personality makeover aft the exams.. i shld have listened to coach jiemin puen... one day my obstinate and perfectionist nature will be the cause of my downfall..

learn from jiemin: the perfection of things lies in its imperfections
make sense eh?

hello you.. tell me im stupid to write a science essay when obviously a censorship essay is easier to write..
but i prefer to write science essay... HooOoOww?

2007-09-27T23:14:00.000-07:00

oyays(: chin is over.. i wrote the longest ever bao zhang bao dao i cld ever write.. it was so coincidental that my teacher taught me how to write bao zhang bao dao las nite.. like wheww... it's quite sad i only learnt how to write bao zhang bao dao essays only like yesterday... =/

whether you choose to believe this or not.. i jus wna say..
i feel like im gna die soon... it's stupid to say this.. maybe it's cos some things happened to me recently.. and i told god(my own imaginary god)that please dont let me die yet... i wna finish my exams and do something for someone and make my life more worthy before i die...
as in i get this shit.. am i gna die now feeling all the time... and my instincts are right most of the time.. it's either i die or someone ard me is gna die... this sounds really stupid i know but it suddenly daunted on my how life can be so vulnerable...
1) there was once my whole condo block was shaking... my mum told me there were tremors and asked me to go down.. but i dismissed it as being over paranoid until i entered the lift which was packed with residents before i realised hey... what if the whole block really collapsed now and we all die tgt..
interestingly it's quite funny how i took life for granted...
2) the doctor told my chin teacher that he was gna die in ten years... becos his heart is spoilt.. and by that time his kids wld still be younger than me

a few other incidents happened over this period of time which really made me beg god.. if you really wna make me die can u let me die like a few wks later until i really did something for someone.. like something big...

stupidly.. i know this sounds very nonsensical.. and i know you wont buy it but it's true... the best part is even if i know im gna die tmr.. i will still go for the exams and lead life as per normal... which prolly means im enjoying life the way it is... whether it is painful or not wouldn matter....

2007-09-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

the latest update abt my examss..
1) i flopped chem until cannot flop anymore..
the experiment 80m structured quest, 40m MCQ quest..
okay lah i lost at least 5m now...
2) i flopped maths too...
but i still did my best during that 3 hours... it's quite sad things turn out this way.. but hmm.. it's okay... a 75 will suffice for me.. just that it ruins the 80m trend..
3) i think SS was fine..
that's the only subj i think i did relatively alright. but it's only 50%
well im just proud of myself that i knew how to answer Mr yang's part on white man's burden and new imperalism alright(:
4) im studying for chin now... and am determined to hit a long lost 70 this time...

anyhow.. i realised how relaxing exams have been... thanks to the help of my wonderful friends and my mum esp.
even though im still sick.. but people are supporting me so im kinda taking it easy as well... although the future seems really bleak for me... i realised recently how life can be so vulnerable... which left me in deep thots just now...
shall elaborate some other time...
chin for now BYE!

2007-09-23T23:12:00.000-07:00

i went to see the doctor today cos my cold became worse.. and i had a really bad headache.. i feel so suay..
but it's okay im sure things will be fine by wed.. im just glad exams din start today cos i was feeling really horrid this morning..
i must be thankful and count my blessings... the doctor went: waa you so stressed ah.. your pimples exploding alr...
=_= i look like i got chickenpox.. but it's okay.. i got antibiotic cream for it(:

you tend to feel good when you are happy
so i shall stay happy(:
drinks loads of water and have enough slp everyone... that's if you dowan to end up like me... slp is the most impt i realised i kept myself hydrated and drank lots of liang cha but still fell sick cos of lack of slp and sensitive nose...

2007-09-22T23:48:00.000-07:00

okay.... im tired.... but im not stopping becos my mind tells me i cant..
i get that feeling when i run too.. esp. when im determined to hit a certain timing..
if running is the only thing i can do properly.. i will run too for my exams...
it's like whew... i have nver mugged so hard in my life for an exam b4(besides my PSLE lah)
credits to this person who has been helping me and accompanying me thru this ardous journey.. she calls and check on me everyday and read quotes to inspire me... and when i complained abt having too many books and papers to do.. she offered to go thru all my quest and pick out the relevant ones for me... who else will stay till the wee hours of the morning besides her.. thanks my friend... i owe you a big big one...
go grace go grace alittle bit more.. im just so so so determined to do well for my exams.. esp. BIO so as not to let Ms low down...

2007-09-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

Hello you... yes you realised i've gone public... again..

i really really wish they cld postpone the exams and prolong my pain..

i decided to visit the dermatologist.. i have surviving on nivea facial wash.. you know the one endorsed by Jade Seah.. like uhh.. it doesn't work for me and the pimples are popping out like acne..

exam stress and im falling sick.. bouts of flu and itchy throat... i've stopped bingeing though.. much to my relief..

and i keep tripping over my books and notes in my room...

yes.. im in bad shape..

i still get occasional "damn-stressed" syndromes but not as often as b4
i dont get bouts of low-self-esteem syndrome anymore but when i realised im pressed for time(which i seldom do).. i start stressing stressing.. and still stressing

well.. while you really feel bogged down by the word "stressed" i bet you failed to realise it's the opposite of DESSERTS
cool eh... it's utter randomness as a result of the fiery blazing exam fever..

i prefer studying alone aft all i realised.. my trail of thoughts keep getting interrupted when pple suddenly like "CUT" and ask quest. okay lah i dont blame them.... but too much of anything aint too healthy ymy..

i shall go drink coffee.. i wenta run and realised my stamina is shit.. it's prolly cos of the caffeine and of course the lack of exercise... o crap..

2007-09-21T02:43:00.000-07:00

im going public again alright.. i realised it doesn't make much of a difference.. cos if it's private.. it's really at the other blog.. so it doesn't matter what i put up here

my room is splattered... literally SPLATTERED with books notes all around... in an organised manner.. i have a mountain pile of notes and books for each subj nicely stacked together and another cupboard of books.. my table is messy though with the different worksheets..

even though im trying to convince myself im studying hard... i dont think so though
im going the smart way this time.. it's quite amazing how im not intimidated by my so hardworking friends ard me who are likee brr 10000000millions time more hardworking than me.. and how they take one hour to finish one topic whilst i take like 5 hours..=P
i realised things dont simply work out by studying hard.. you need brains and strategy too...

my chinese teacher gave us an indirect pep talk which was inspiring.. my class consists of girls from RG, TKGs, NANYANG, and boys from VS...
interstingly.. when he asked do you think you can score 10 A1s if you want to..
only me and the RG girl said we cld..
im not stereotyping.. but i find it simply stupid to say... i want to score 10 A1s but i think i cannot do it...
if you say you might not achieve it even though you want it..
it's prolly becos it's you dont want it badly enough isn't it?

im not driven by good results.. im not driven by expectations
im driven by F-E-A-R..
the fear of failing like last yr... which is prolly the worst exp in my life.. i face the prospect of failing maths this time if you choose to believe or not..
IN A DECREASING ORDER OF THE PERCENTAGE OF ME FAILING FOR THE VARIOUS SUBJ
1) LA 99.999999999%
2) MATHS 98.8888888%
3) SS AND CHEM 90%
4) PHY AND BIO 50%
5) CHINESE 49%

im just being honest with myself... nevertheless im looking forward to papers.. and so gna study maths now cos my maths is seriously sux a hell damn big time.... and so am i convinced any amt of hard work i put in for LA wont show in my results..
im feel like a chicken waiting to be slaughtered...

2007-09-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

i take 3 hours on average to complete one bio topic..i took 5 hours to finish bio molecules(siao right).. Dno is dee dee or what.. but seems a little long but the feeling of it is shiok though.. The process of uncovering all the facts gets very intense in the process and you feel yourself totally oblivious to your surroudings in your world there's only bio bio and more bio?

on a second note, i was looking at my CA2 marks aft collating it and i gotta thank god for you know blessing me... i got exactly the same averg as CA1 despite putting in like 50% less effort this CA2.. i only put in effort for my RTs the rest i just luan luan lai because i saw no point doing well in assign yet flunking your EOYS... the RTs really saved me i guess.. even my bio assign. was so horrible this time that i think ms low almost puked when she read what i wrote.. and all the tasks and ws were scored among the lowest in class from what i saw in the paper=P
PURE LUCK.. thank god grace.. such lunk dont come by so often..

im prettaye satisfied today because i did many subj though a pathetic amt for every subj.. SS, maths, phy and bio..
i realised i made alotta mistakes last yr.. i think ms low has been the most inspiring me.. she equipped me with skills that i haved used beyond that in bio.. but applied in LA too? she has that ah something jing shen..

the greatest consolement i get from the many many chapt staring straight into my eye is the satisfaction from completing one topic.. like phew okay one topic takes me like dno how many friggling hours.. i bet im like the most inefficient person in class..

2007-09-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

YO i hope everyone's still alive... honour to the two people reading my blog...
havent been blogging not becos i dint blog but my wireless will disconnect by itself while i type the post so the entry does not successfully get posted up..

well im trying to convince myself that there's no time now for me to get into those bouts of low-self-esteem.... i got prettaye demoralised las night and couldn study at all cos i was so so stressed.... yes SO STRESSED.. if you know me well u will know that i assure people and i look self-assured.. but deep inside im a very insecure and inconfident person..
well it's a double edged sword which i can go on and on abt the good and bad points
but the point is.. there's no time for such stuff now

this CA2.. i dint feel very bad getting bad horrid chem and chin marks which i know will be followed by LA, SS and phy...
las yr was different.. i did do well for my CA2.. relatively i believe.. but i had that insecure feeling
but now.. it's the opposite.. the worse i do the more confident i get.. prolly cos im alr prettaye satisfied with my RT results and it shows that i have not put in much effort in assign. and tasks and whats not.. which doesnt really matter to me...

im worried for my maths now.. the CA2 marks doesnt prove anything.. you have the greatest tendency to slip when you are too confident you know.. im not confident nor complacent.. but insecure i shld say... im betting on my chem maths phy and bio and ss this time..
im leaving my la to god..

dont laugh.. cos i dont even unds how the format of the paper gna be like.. gosh.. and they dont seem interested enough to put up the practice papers they have promised...

2007-09-05T17:14:00.000-07:00

HEY THERE! how's mugging
there are moments i get so stressed that i wna pull my hair out so i tell myself to chill and slp..
when i slp.. i slp in the day and wake up at night.. then i stay up at night and slp in the day...
i make sure i get that GREAT feeling when i mug.. cos being stressed and tired won't get anything in i realised...

jiayou people..(:

2007-09-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

sorry potz..
i cant imagine if next time my husband gives me my wedding ring and a few moments later when i reach home, he reaches out to hold my hand and realises the ring is gone before i realise it...
it's not that i dont appreciate stuff.. it's just that im a big scatter-brain

2007-08-31T07:11:00.000-07:00

Hello.. im happy cos i know who's reading my blog and who isn't..
btw..
you shldn be here.. you shld be mugging..
i think im getting things right this yr.. i feel that i slowed down my pace for a reason and it's being put to great use now=D oyays..
i suddenly like mugging.. even more than i was studying at RTs(actly i felt like my life was disintegrating away when i was studying for RTs, which was prolly i flopped 50% of it)
okay pple mug alrighty... im here to help if you need me...

2007-08-30T06:21:00.001-07:00

im locking this blog

2007-08-29T05:24:00.000-07:00

How's life? i feel my mood swings getting more and more drastic due to the fluctuating stress levels..
my stress level peaked las night when i had a conflict with one of my grp member whom i shall not name for privacy purposes regarding a project... and went swimming in my shirt and shorts.. i just wanted to kick and push out all the stress outta my body... pardon my bad attitude..

then i got really sad cos i got mocked at cos of my weight at jourdan's house.. i did a survey today.. and even my weight ranged from 50-55kg according to most people.. nevertheless the bell rings to starve.. and resort to extreme methods since eating healthily doesn't work(irritatingly)

i know the expectations of me.. im trying my best to fulfil it.. hopefully things dont turn out like last yr and the teachers had to come talk to me and tell me how inconsistent i am... im afraid of disappointing people.. wish me luck that i dont fail BIO and SS again this yr.. eeks..

2007-08-27T06:39:00.000-07:00

you are the one because...
in front of you.... nth can mask my emotions...
you see my pain,joy, happiness all so clearly...
thanks loads..

2007-08-25T06:42:00.000-07:00

we had a match against queenstown sec. sch.. we lost on penalties..
i seriously swear i made the stupidest mistake i ever made in my soccer history... what i caused the team's morale to plunge.. within 3 mins(i think) of the game.. i actly went to the ball.. dint pick up.. kicked it across the goal.. and the girl whacked into the goal.. seriously it was tantamount to having no gk..
i just felt like i started a chain reaction of poor performance on the rest of my temamates cos b4 that we were having high hopes of having a clean sheet..
the second goal was the same mistake i havent managed to rectify throughout my entire soccer history.. well everytime there's one striker who comes charging straight at me.. i will forget everything and hestitate whether to go up or guard the post.. and yaa i let that small little girl kicked in one goal... then aft the goal went in.. i got that " i can get that ball but why din i get it" feeling...

i used to think myself as a very rational person and unemotional person who never lets her emotions get the better of her(which is myself) but things really proved me wrong in many instances..
once im hitted with a challenge.. i can hold in there.. but i will crumble once someone hits on my soft spot.. when that girl swung her leg against my head.. i felt like just crying and crying non-stop.. it was painful physically.. but i was very very emotional.. and i was tearing for a few mins before i convinced myself to suck in all my emotions..
i shld learn more from jiemin... be more steady or else i will never make it and continue to let my performance stagnate..

damned.. im crying alot these days.. and i totally hate this emo feeling.. i dno how to explain but i know i have alotta barriers i gotta overcome when i return to trng... and i will work on it.. it's psychological because i can do things in trng which i dont do in the match..

one good thing i feel is the increasing exposure and experience im gaining.. i dont feel so raw and im getting more steady...

i wish jing can return to the field.. it feels good seeing those familiar faces when u play.. and with jiemin in frnt of me again.. her assurance really kept me gng in the game although i really felt like giving up and frustrated for bringing it upon the team..

on a last note.. i was inspired by those little girls we played with.. as much as i wish to say that i feel ashamed that i cant even be compared to a secondary sch gk/soccer player.. their performance was highly commendable.. the goalkeeper was even very steady... the strikers really gave all out and took all the chances they had... and even though the side of my head still hurts.. i admire the aggression of that girl had despite me sticking my head on the ball.. and that little girl who sprinted at every single ball she could pounce on..(:

for me now.. when pple tok to me abt it now.. i tear.. it's now not a matter of being unhappy abt things.. but rather calming my nerves and toughen myself up.. and stop crumbling so easily once my soft spot is hit..

2007-08-24T06:15:00.000-07:00

i have been prettaye inspired certain things.. which taught me to be less critical and ignore those ugly stuff around me...
just learn to emphatise and undertand the pple ard you.. for everything they do.. they have a reason behind it.. makes me feel more sane..

i've got friends who unds me well.. i asked a few of them a quest which they cld answer based on the telepathy they shared with me and it was really an intuitive ans.. crying to me is merely an outburst of surppressed emotions.. which i believe every single one of us have.. i wld prefer if pple do not ask.. i unds t's concern for me.. however.. nowadays when i see him.. i get very scared.. and im afraid he will ask me quest i do not wish to ans..
certain things every single one of us know.. but i do not want to complicate matters since i have alr tolerated for so long..
im just feeling very scared now dno why esp. when i see t.. well smth happened again today aft sch which kinda freaked me out again..

on a last note my course is gng on great.. i made friends with RG girls who are so outgoing and friendly.. NUS pple are interesting and intelligent people.. they do funny things which make me laugh throughout the lesson... o yays.. *smiles* RG EXAMS ARE FINISHING.. MS ANG WILL BE AVAILABLE SOON..
telepathy sia...

tata

2007-08-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

i have nice grp members who don't exactly rock when it comes to projectwork though..

After many many hours of hard work, me and ian finally finished our phy assign.

then i told him
gasp gasp says (1:56 AM):
i think u better hurry up print then go slp
Ian Ho says (1:56 AM):
ok
AHH..now gotta do BIO.
gasp gasp says (1:56 AM):
WA
i thought im the only one
u also ah
Ian Ho says (1:57 AM):
i can sleep at 4 already
gasp gasp says (1:57 AM):
no
we shld say
Ian Ho says (1:57 AM):
then, still got DI
gasp gasp says (1:57 AM):
we dunnid to slp alr
Ian Ho says (1:57 AM):
ya lor

look at the time.. 2am in the morning... okay im gna do bio EU now.. i can forget abt my beauty slp... and im on course at NUS tmr... screams...

MR CAREBEAR

2007-08-23T05:16:00.000-07:00

HI ALL.. i hope everybody been coping fine so far with the PHY assign. and EUs and AQ and what's not

been slping early these nights cos im really shagged by the time i reach home.. mayb im using more of my brain that's why...
me and yiling were studying tgt at jourdan's condo lounge... and theres this sound-proof room near the toilet... we decided to go for toilet break at ard 8pm at night.. and we passed by the highly tempting concealed swimming pool soundproof room..
i was prettaye fascinated so i comtemplated on the idea of soaking our legs in it.. then yiling was enticed by my idea too so we.. we started playing.. in our skirts.. imagine.. the scene of us.. squealing and screaming...
and the pool's design is prettaye cool.. there's a fountain in the centre and there were steps in the pool which would lead to the fountain.. so i suggested climbing to the fountain.. but we dint wna get wet..
SO..i started climbing on to the rocky wall(like rock-climbing like that) on the wall beside it to reach the fountain.. then we play play play
jourdan got pushed into the pool by yiling... i was running ard.. until AH
i fell
disgusting wound.. as in the flap of skin was tore and blood was streaming like free... i wasnt intimidated lah.. just very pain only... and the blood refused to stop flowing.. so we went back to jourdan's house.. and jourdan's father helped me dress the wound..
waa damn fatherly.. he's damn meticulous.. and yaa.. he took a scissors to snip off the flapping skin.. and u can see the meat now.. so it's prettaye gross...

must thank uncle.. and ya very dramatic right.. i tend to get over when i go crazy and fascinated over new stuff.. well jourdan's condo's pool is voted as Singapore's most popular pool cos of its design.. so one day we must go swim tgt there okay?

okay.. im presently jumping alot.. cos i needa jump high.. higher highest.. i think the whole team except me can jump and touch whatever is the requirement.. so im learning from the yiliang and alvin and jiemin.. im practised with jiemin during PE that day.. and i kinda see light now.. it's very sad that i cannot jump u know.. i rather be made to run 4.8k then to jump... so so so.. if anyone has suggestions on how to improve my jumping techniques please tell me... thankews..

i needa chiong EU and PHY assign tonight cos my groups are gng at snail's pace.. but it's okay.. im optimistic now..
TATA take care..

2007-08-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

smsing
1) is an utter waste of time
2) injures my precious fingers

yet i don unds why some pple enjoy msging so much... don't be mistaken if i dont reply.. cos i really hate msging....

2007-08-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

whoa i had the greatest ultimest multi-tasking session.. i was talking on the phone with Ian for phy assign. while talking to another four group member on bio EU while talking to coach on in another box.. then potz started talking to me abt bio then i told her.. i cannot alr.. too many tasks.. im taking a breather here before i cont'd on my marathon..

breathe in.. and out..
im very very disappointed in my sciences.. this is the worst i cld have gotten seriously.. and if i fail bio tmr.. i can jolly well just say im still living in my la la land....

to date, in our class, only shuqi, menglu, grace, jiemin and puen have completed their SIP.. im not gloating okay.. i went crazy over SIP and pulled my hair.. screamed my heads out and got super frustrated while doing SIP...

okay pple
buckle your belts..
ready, 1,2,3
let's go..

2007-08-18T02:02:00.000-07:00

bless me..
im sorry but i cannot open my world to pple i dont trust..
there are pple who can be ard you and u wouldn mind sharing your good times with them.. but when it comes to the bad times.. they will prolly be the last person u think of..

like if you were in trouble.. like in huge huge trouble.. who's the first person you will think of..
i realised i think of pple but i wont approach them.. my world is prettaye closed cos it only has room for my one and only...

*

i wondered if you realised that how plastic your words are... i dont need frank friends.. but at the very most every word has to be true and from the bottom of your heart.. otherwise..
dont even open your mouth...

2007-08-17T07:43:00.000-07:00

alicea... i admit i was abit disappointed today.. i have admired you for your for having your own style and being so genuine abt your feelings... this time totally wasn't your style cos i know alicea is kind-hearted by nature.. genuinely kind-hearted.. which is why i value a friend like u so much...

im sure these few days have been a prettaye screwed one.. i was plagued with this feeling of helplessness for a couple of times today.. felt like strangling myself.. pulling my hair out.. gng crazy.. and breaking into tears..

the stupid taxi driver really made me damn frantic when he din know where was NUS high sch.. and he drove me to bueno vista.. and we were 35 mins late for the course... and the taxi fare is =/
im financially tight.. yr book.. soccer fund.. taxi fare.. and my outstanding loan to puen..

im in some big trouble now
i shall see if i can solve it.. i will pull thru this lah
it's just one of my rough patches.. which makes crying at this very moment extremely tempting but i shall not shed a single tear.. cos a man sheds blood but not tears..

somebody put me on cloud nine.. i need endorphins.. but the course made me forget abt my troubles easily.. dujing is an easy going person.. watching her tickles my funnybone.. teacher was very nice... i was revising phy topic pressure.. NUS lessons very hands-on.. even beyong mr boy's examples.. which relaly marvelled me.. they taught pressure today.. exactly same content.. just that i played with real barometer.. got siphon and archimedeles principle.. fun fun... teacher tried to make lesson interactive and there was a doctor ocasionally stepping in to give further information.. a very conceptual lesson which revised my phy topics... im looking forward to the upcoming lessons.. it's not so chim as i thought lah.. in fact like reivsion with depth and highilighting of concepts that's all.. which is my favourite

i shall cont'd thinking of happy stuff to cheer myself up becos im not the kinda person who will wallow in depression..
depressed is not a word in my dictionary=D

2007-08-16T04:56:00.000-07:00

FUCK..
can u bloody hell please learn to take care of yourself... falling sick like so many times within a time frame of a few weeks is simply too ridiculous.. and dont indulge in self-pity because i dno how to pity you.. and if i were the one sick.. i wouldn choose to tell anyone but visit the doc myself or self-medicate..
if i was still trng.. i dare swear you will just rot at home and let the two children starve to death... and now you are blaming me and scolding and screaming the roof down.. like you weren't sick yesterday
FUCK seriously... scolding me for cooking when u wanted to order fast food for your son who was suffering from sore throat and just recovered from diarrhoea.. seriously whoa... i wouldn have given a damn if he wasn't suffering from such a bad throat kay..

blaming everyone.. blaming my friends.. except yourself... in the first place no one was in the wrong... and if you wna blame.. u shld start frm yourself first.. and words which come out from your mouth really infuriates me and leave my heart seething with angry sadness..

and remember.. im extremely unforgiving.. when u blame pple who have no relation to this issue.. you obviously have a vicious and unsparing mouth that i feel like slapping seirously... im neither your slave who is there stand by 24 hours

fuck

2007-08-15T05:13:00.000-07:00

sometimes things can get really heartbreaking... i wouldn know how to explain.. even if the sweat and blood don't show the results but at least the 100+++word longest comment in class shouldn be focused on slamming my product down like noone's business..
but it's okay.. cos im gna get it back and keep it as a memoir.. everything was specially and exquisitely designed for a purpose and plan in mind.. it contains my heartfelt words and it will be a good tool to reminisce the beautiful times(:

it's heartbreaking like just feel like it's tantamount to me handing a blank A4 pple..
i bet she dint even bother reading.. well i had a good time reading my own thoughts before i handed it in and remembered the wonderful times...

i wld love to show puen and im sure she wld share the same sentiments when she sees the photos and read whatever i said... but now i have gotten over it aft crying it all out.. that feeling of emptying your sadness rocks.. like big time

if not for that bloody mistake in my si han i cld have gotten my A.. but it's fine i guess.. i was that close.. i broke my zuo ren record this yr.. in an mock exam summore.. so oyays(: my tuition does help.. im beginning to write more coherently and more concisely i see...

alicea dont be too sad.. im telling everyone that... because because.. it beat making the same mistake in the EOYs... i cant emphasise more that the best time to fail is now... just dont repeat the same mistake...

i cant wait to get the product back from laoshi... irritating thing which is in the wrong hands apparently.. no wonder she dint want to stick the comments in the book... eeks..

2007-08-14T05:34:00.000-07:00

HELLO.. i hope things have been fine for everyone so far?
im a happy girl these few days so I wont let unhappy things or pple ard/beside me affect me...
Firstly.. i PASSSEEDDDDD
1) CHEM
2) MATHS
3) SOCIAL STUDIES TEST

i was expecting to fail SS and Chem honestly speaking from the bottom of my heart.. esp. SS.. although it's not a very nice passing mark.. but still a pass... Ms Toh actly came to me specially to check if i made improvement.. but hmm the other subj dont look optimistic though.. esp. phy and LA.. i really feel i flunked my phy big time this time

NUMBER 2:
we have a physics assign and mr boy grouped me with ULTRA SUPER 100% IMBA PEOPLE..
who are not only SMART BUT ALSO WONDERFUL PROJECT MATES
im sure we would make a good team.. IM FINALLY WITH IAN.. LIKE O YAYS!!!!!
and the other person is MS WONDROUS IMBA QUEEN HUANGSUI...

dont be too jealous.. although i know it's tempting=P

NUMBER 3:
I suddenly am not anorexic anymore.. as in i got that i-am-fat thing outta my brain and it's gone forever.. just suddenly struck me that i shld be self-sufficient... as long as i look 55kilos to people... anyway i shouldn worry
cos alicea thinks i have a hot bod and dling think im prettaye ***

NUMBER 4:
im gng prom.. even thou guowei says: y not u teach me to be more man while i teach u how to be more feminine.. like what the
and jourdan says: although u are not feminine enuff to carry off a dress.. u can always wear pants u know..

or i might not even be gng if i feel im wasting few hundred bucks which can be spent on buying prettier clothes... interesting books... on buffets during the holss

okay.. be happy.. last few mths tgt as a class.. im prettaye sure i wont even get such a smart and united class ever again... we all came tgt by chance and im really glad to see everyone so bonded..
i will forget abt the sucky stuff beside me... and look ahead...

To debby ling, Mr B. dint change for me in the end. but he made it up for me by giving a nice phy grp.
so im happy anyways.

2007-08-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

i hope nobody got really upset with those photos.. it's jus for the fun of it okay? i did my best to find the nicest photo i could.. but the thingy just couldn detect althea and yiling's face(u know the one where she was holding an ice-cream)
the ice-cream must have blocked her face! i know image-conscious mr quek is extremely disturbed by his uhh.. not so photogenic face pasted haphazardly on my blog but... for memory's sake u know u know?

i wna eat the donuts of the raffles city outlet... whatever name is that.. but it seems prettaye good....
sch's starting tomorrow.. im having loads of fun.. looking forward to my course.. LIKE O YAY(: and more chill-outs on my own.. or with my triple entente(:
i n-e-e-d-a r-u-n

i hope RG exams hurry end... so ms ang can join me... i cant wait for hols to come before i resume trng resume playing resume shopping..

tell me girly girls if you're gng for prom(:

2007-08-11T08:21:00.001-07:00

dont snoop on me..

08s31=D

I'm on CLOUD NINE=D

*gaspss* IT'S JIEMIN'S BIRTHDAY

31:52

SHORT IS THE NEW LONG

GIVE LOVE TO FEEL LOVE KAYY

my prince in shining armour

charismatic

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

my love will take you home

baby my love will take you home<3

The Five Love Languages

Complete set of results

Information

but HONEY what can I do.....

HAHA

GIVE LOVE TO FEEL LOVE KAYY

MR CAREBEAR

gaspss IT'S JIEMIN'S BIRTHDAY